10:00 AM
I sleep less... At first I thought that it was just the first week or two, while my body was getting used to constant yoga classes, but three weeks now and nothing has changed. Don't get me wrong, I do get enough sleep, I don't wake up tired or sleepy. Its like I need less sleeping time to get rested and charge my batteries. Last night I stayed up late finishing my office desk project. I went to sleep little after 2 AM and this morning at 7.40 I was wide awake. Didn't have the alarm set or anything, just woke up feeling like I had 8 or 9 hours of sleep. Instead, I slept for 5 and a half hours, and woke up feeling great.... I love early mornings, and being able to wake up early, even though I went to sleep late, is a change I welcome with all my being... I wonder why is it like that, though... Is it because of the constant yoga classes, and the higher energy levels in my body...? There is a research for you....
2:00 PM
22 days... What have I learned...? Did I accomplish anything...? Don't know... Is this " Don't know" a correct answer...? Don't know...
I do now one thing... I look at my life through slightly different eyes. I feel and I react to situations differently. I am not going to say better or worse, that would defeat the whole purpose... My mind is still ruling the kingdom, my Ego is still the main character in the book. But it is different...
What has changed then...? One thing did change, I can feel it, and it manifests in my daily life. One thing that is probably the most important of all, a starting point...
THE VIEW...
This is the key component in one's life. Everything we do, and don't do, is based on our view. Buddha said:" Right View is the beginning and the end of the eightfold path..." Depending on our view, we will either have rain storm in our life, or a sunny day at the beach. Understanding the truth about our true self, the power of our own Ego, the monkey in our head, will enable us to get a glimpse of that Right View. Accepting things and people as they are, realizing that everybody is suffering, that every being wants to be happy in their own way, one will get a taste of the Right View....
Just a small shift in one's view from "I" to "Others"... Look at the others before you look at yourself. So simple, but for us impossible. We think that we live for the others, and do certain things for the others... Like buying presents for the one we love... We do spend the time and the energy in finding the right present for her/him. We want to surprise her/him, want her/him to feel good and be happy. Once they open the present they love it, give you a kiss, maybe even cry... You feel so good at that moment... You feel so good... You feel.... You....
Exactly... YOU feel good... Even though we love the person, and want him/her to be happy, most of the time we do all these nice things because we feel good... Its subconscious, we are not aware of it...For example, let's say you buy the perfect gift for the one you love, and you know she/he really needs it. Once you give her/him the present, they open it and say:" Thank you..." Then they roll over and go to sleep... No kiss, no hug, no excitement, no tears... Just an honest "Thank you"... Could you honestly sit there and feel great, feel the same way as if they reacted with hugs and kisses...? No you couldn't. A few people yes, but most of us no. We would be devastated, hurt, angry... The "I" didn't get what was expecting to get....
Change the view... Every day, bit by bit... Change it, and enjoy the beach....
11:00
Guess what I did tonight... I went to yoga...
Monday, January 31, 2011
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Day 21
10:00 AM
Extremely busy day for an average doctor... I started the day with building an office desk for my fellow humans. They have been good the last few weeks, so I decided to surprise them. They are trying, making mistakes, but trying... On the end of the day, that is the most important, just keep trying.... Fail 10,000 times and then get up an try again 10,000 times... I am proud of them, and the rest of you guys on this path. The path is what counts, thats where the joy and love is, in the path... Not at the finish line, forget the finish line, there is nothing exceptional about it. It is just the finish line... The path is priceless...
So I spent my morning and early afternoon building.....
What...? Surprised... I actually was working on this desk. Drawers first and then the rest.... It wasn't just talking empty, like you humans usually do...
2:00
Another class... 21st... Another strong and focused class... My postures are improving, my mind is still fully present. Not in full control like usual, but still there. At least I can have a peak at the driver's seat now. Until recently, I couldn't even see the car, let alone the driver"s seat....
O yeah, I had many requests to post a photo of my new improved postures. Here is one for you yoga lovers...
My elbows are not straight but I am working on it....
11:00 PM
Desk finished... My fellow humans are going to love it. Humans are so easy to please, one little present and you are happy. Don't really need much. The problem is that you stay happy only for a day, sometimes not even that long. Then you need another present. And another one.... If the present is not there, happines is gone. My desk is forgotten... Everything good is forgotten... It is funny how humans forget about something good in a day, or even less... However, when something bad happens, they can think about it for a year... Why in the world would you think more about the bad, and forget the good...? I would never do that... I love me... Do you love you...?
While you think about it, take a look at the master at his best....
Nice looking desk, ha....?
Extremely busy day for an average doctor... I started the day with building an office desk for my fellow humans. They have been good the last few weeks, so I decided to surprise them. They are trying, making mistakes, but trying... On the end of the day, that is the most important, just keep trying.... Fail 10,000 times and then get up an try again 10,000 times... I am proud of them, and the rest of you guys on this path. The path is what counts, thats where the joy and love is, in the path... Not at the finish line, forget the finish line, there is nothing exceptional about it. It is just the finish line... The path is priceless...
So I spent my morning and early afternoon building.....
What...? Surprised... I actually was working on this desk. Drawers first and then the rest.... It wasn't just talking empty, like you humans usually do...
2:00
Another class... 21st... Another strong and focused class... My postures are improving, my mind is still fully present. Not in full control like usual, but still there. At least I can have a peak at the driver's seat now. Until recently, I couldn't even see the car, let alone the driver"s seat....
O yeah, I had many requests to post a photo of my new improved postures. Here is one for you yoga lovers...
My elbows are not straight but I am working on it....
11:00 PM
Desk finished... My fellow humans are going to love it. Humans are so easy to please, one little present and you are happy. Don't really need much. The problem is that you stay happy only for a day, sometimes not even that long. Then you need another present. And another one.... If the present is not there, happines is gone. My desk is forgotten... Everything good is forgotten... It is funny how humans forget about something good in a day, or even less... However, when something bad happens, they can think about it for a year... Why in the world would you think more about the bad, and forget the good...? I would never do that... I love me... Do you love you...?
While you think about it, take a look at the master at his best....
Nice looking desk, ha....?
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Day 20
10:00 AM
My anonymous friend had another interesting comment on my yesterday's 2:00 pm post. " How can an opinion be wrong? I have never heard of a right or wrong opinion..." Well, its not even the opinion that is wrong. It is actually before the opinion, like I said, as soon as one opens his/her mouth, they are wrong... And it is not just that dualistic right or wrong opinion, its on a much deeper level. Because in order to give an opinion, to enter a discussion, there has to be a starting point. Now, where do we come from...? Do we speak and think from our true self...? Of course not. Almost never. Someone will say something to us, and we automatically run what we have heard through the web of our filters. Our famous "how things should be" filters... Then we respond, agree or disagree... Do we hear what the other person had said? Do we really hear it, do we let it penetrate and settle deep within before we respond? No, we just run it through our web and respond... Half of the time we start thinking and preparing our response while the other person is still talking!!! We never truly listen... Thats why as soon as we open our mouth we are wrong....
2:00 PM
Good class again. Very focused. I am actually getting better in some of my postures. The class goes by so quickly, the heat is easy to handle. You actually welcome the heat now... At the start of the journey, my biggest question was if I could be disciplined enough to go to class every day. To actually do the same 26 postures every day. At this point I can't even call it discipline. It feels like I have been doing it all my life. Like eating breakfast. Drive to studio, do a class, shower, drive back home..... Get a bowl, pour in the milk and cereal and eat... No difference... Love it...
11:00 PM
Listening... The hardest thing for an average human to master. We don't know how to listen, or we just don't want to. One way or another, the reality is that the only thing we truly hear is ourselves.... If we could shut down the radio in our head for a minute or two, and just listen, our life would finally become life... Just like a yoga class, unless you turn off the dialog in the head, every single class will be absolute hell. The postures, the heat, humidity, all of it will be unbearable. You will hate the class... However, if you shut down the inner noise for a moment, then that same class will be a different experience. You will hear the yoga teacher. You will hear your breath, your body, your true self.... You will hear... And the life will become what it should be. Absolute joy at all times, always happy and full of love. Hear it... But in order to hear one has to listen first....
My anonymous friend had another interesting comment on my yesterday's 2:00 pm post. " How can an opinion be wrong? I have never heard of a right or wrong opinion..." Well, its not even the opinion that is wrong. It is actually before the opinion, like I said, as soon as one opens his/her mouth, they are wrong... And it is not just that dualistic right or wrong opinion, its on a much deeper level. Because in order to give an opinion, to enter a discussion, there has to be a starting point. Now, where do we come from...? Do we speak and think from our true self...? Of course not. Almost never. Someone will say something to us, and we automatically run what we have heard through the web of our filters. Our famous "how things should be" filters... Then we respond, agree or disagree... Do we hear what the other person had said? Do we really hear it, do we let it penetrate and settle deep within before we respond? No, we just run it through our web and respond... Half of the time we start thinking and preparing our response while the other person is still talking!!! We never truly listen... Thats why as soon as we open our mouth we are wrong....
2:00 PM
Good class again. Very focused. I am actually getting better in some of my postures. The class goes by so quickly, the heat is easy to handle. You actually welcome the heat now... At the start of the journey, my biggest question was if I could be disciplined enough to go to class every day. To actually do the same 26 postures every day. At this point I can't even call it discipline. It feels like I have been doing it all my life. Like eating breakfast. Drive to studio, do a class, shower, drive back home..... Get a bowl, pour in the milk and cereal and eat... No difference... Love it...
11:00 PM
Listening... The hardest thing for an average human to master. We don't know how to listen, or we just don't want to. One way or another, the reality is that the only thing we truly hear is ourselves.... If we could shut down the radio in our head for a minute or two, and just listen, our life would finally become life... Just like a yoga class, unless you turn off the dialog in the head, every single class will be absolute hell. The postures, the heat, humidity, all of it will be unbearable. You will hate the class... However, if you shut down the inner noise for a moment, then that same class will be a different experience. You will hear the yoga teacher. You will hear your breath, your body, your true self.... You will hear... And the life will become what it should be. Absolute joy at all times, always happy and full of love. Hear it... But in order to hear one has to listen first....
Friday, January 28, 2011
Day 19
10:00 AM
The fatigue is gone... I feel refreshed when I wake up, and I feel energized throughout the day. Despite the neck problems I had the past two days, my energy levels are high, and I don't feel exhausted after the class. My practice is strong and disciplined, from the beginning to the end. Focus is fully present, and I don't have those energy meltdowns like I had a few days ago. Even the hurricane is blowing with less force....
What changed...? Did I get in better yoga shape the last two days...? Did my body rest and recover better last two days...? How come all of the sudden its all gone...?
The answer is very simple. It was never there... I was never tired, exhausted, my energy levels were never depleted. I was fine the whole time, just like I am fine today.... It is all in the head. Being tired is a state of mind, not so much your body state. My mind was tired from going to yoga, tired from doing the same postures all the time. As a result, it created the fatigue, the exhaustion, the energy meltdown... That's how powerful the mind is, it can create anything in our heads. Anything in order to survive, and to remain in control...
The only real thing the past two days was that pain in my neck. The intensity of it was also the mind, but the pain was real. Now, the only real thing that was happening to me, affected my practice here and there. Nothing significant. On the other hand, all those mind creations that seemed so real, were all over me. Before, during and after class... The storm was in full swing. However, the hurricane itself can only blow until one realizes that the wind is not real. As soon as you turn on the light, and see the real nature of the hurricane, the crushing wind becomes a breeze...
That's all we have to do, just keep the lights on. Always try to see the real nature of things, not the nature that your mind wants you to see. All it takes is a mind switch. Then some day we will be able to see life... Real life.... The sky is blue, the grass is green... That life....
2:00 PM
As soon as I open my mouth I am wrong... Whatever I talk about, I talk about from my own perspective... My opinion.... Me... Mine.... False....
11:00 PM
Day 19 finished.... Night....
The fatigue is gone... I feel refreshed when I wake up, and I feel energized throughout the day. Despite the neck problems I had the past two days, my energy levels are high, and I don't feel exhausted after the class. My practice is strong and disciplined, from the beginning to the end. Focus is fully present, and I don't have those energy meltdowns like I had a few days ago. Even the hurricane is blowing with less force....
What changed...? Did I get in better yoga shape the last two days...? Did my body rest and recover better last two days...? How come all of the sudden its all gone...?
The answer is very simple. It was never there... I was never tired, exhausted, my energy levels were never depleted. I was fine the whole time, just like I am fine today.... It is all in the head. Being tired is a state of mind, not so much your body state. My mind was tired from going to yoga, tired from doing the same postures all the time. As a result, it created the fatigue, the exhaustion, the energy meltdown... That's how powerful the mind is, it can create anything in our heads. Anything in order to survive, and to remain in control...
The only real thing the past two days was that pain in my neck. The intensity of it was also the mind, but the pain was real. Now, the only real thing that was happening to me, affected my practice here and there. Nothing significant. On the other hand, all those mind creations that seemed so real, were all over me. Before, during and after class... The storm was in full swing. However, the hurricane itself can only blow until one realizes that the wind is not real. As soon as you turn on the light, and see the real nature of the hurricane, the crushing wind becomes a breeze...
That's all we have to do, just keep the lights on. Always try to see the real nature of things, not the nature that your mind wants you to see. All it takes is a mind switch. Then some day we will be able to see life... Real life.... The sky is blue, the grass is green... That life....
2:00 PM
As soon as I open my mouth I am wrong... Whatever I talk about, I talk about from my own perspective... My opinion.... Me... Mine.... False....
11:00 PM
Day 19 finished.... Night....
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Day 18
10:00 AM
"The teacher that got you into this did a really good thing. Keep FOCUSED! The journey will be worth it. This journey no matter where it takes you was meant for you..."
My anonymous friend said... I can't agree more with the comment. I am fully aware that the teacher who got me into this, did a good thing. She did the best thing actually. And at the perfect time in my life... It was exactly what I needed, no doubt about it. Like I said my true self will love her for it...
Sometimes when I blog it might seem like I am not fully enjoying this journey... My mind doesn't, that's guaranteed. But true "me" is loving every second of it. And there is nothing that can stop me from continuing down this path. Even if they have to carry me into the studio I will be there every single day...
The vital part of this anonymous comment is "Keep FOCUSED"... Thats the key. That is the fuel needed for my engine to run in the right direction. The pain, boredom, fatigue, they are all distractions. Very powerful distractions. Clear cut FOCUS is the cure for everything. When present, there is no limit, no fear... It is life....
Thank you anonymous.....
2:00 PM
I have to emphasize it again. Loud and clear... FOCUS IS EVERYTHING... If someone asks me right now what life is, my answer would be simple... Focus... What is our purpose in life? Our purpose is to focus...
Yesterday, I had a crook in my neck, and it really affected my practice. It wasn't unbearable pain, but it was enough to throw me off. Today, my neck totally locked on me while driving to yoga studio. Sharp pain, impossible to move... So here I am at the yoga studio, about to take my class and I can't move. My initial thought was an obvious one... How in the world am I going to get through class with this pain? It threw me off yesterday, I can only imagine what it's going to do today...
My next thought was the right one. Just focus and do the best you can... Do what you can do, but make sure you don't forget to breathe. And that was it... The pain was not with me anymore. I felt it throughout the entire class, but it didn't affect ME.... Pain was one side of the coin, and I was the other... I ended up having a great class, even though I had to skip 2 postures because of my neck...
What is life...? Focus....
11:00 PM
Day 18 under the rug... A guy at the studio today asked my how do I do it? How do you go every day? I really didn't have a clear answer. I don't really know how... I don't think its all that difficult, to be honest. You just go to class. Thats it... That's all I said...
I mean its not a big deal to go to yoga every day. Its not like I am the first one to ever attempt something like this. Its not a big deal, but it is a deal though... A deal that I am going to enjoy with full lungs. These 18 days brought some fresh air into my life, and I am just getting started.... Connecting, winning battles, breathing, focusing, what else you need in life....?
"The teacher that got you into this did a really good thing. Keep FOCUSED! The journey will be worth it. This journey no matter where it takes you was meant for you..."
My anonymous friend said... I can't agree more with the comment. I am fully aware that the teacher who got me into this, did a good thing. She did the best thing actually. And at the perfect time in my life... It was exactly what I needed, no doubt about it. Like I said my true self will love her for it...
Sometimes when I blog it might seem like I am not fully enjoying this journey... My mind doesn't, that's guaranteed. But true "me" is loving every second of it. And there is nothing that can stop me from continuing down this path. Even if they have to carry me into the studio I will be there every single day...
The vital part of this anonymous comment is "Keep FOCUSED"... Thats the key. That is the fuel needed for my engine to run in the right direction. The pain, boredom, fatigue, they are all distractions. Very powerful distractions. Clear cut FOCUS is the cure for everything. When present, there is no limit, no fear... It is life....
Thank you anonymous.....
2:00 PM
I have to emphasize it again. Loud and clear... FOCUS IS EVERYTHING... If someone asks me right now what life is, my answer would be simple... Focus... What is our purpose in life? Our purpose is to focus...
Yesterday, I had a crook in my neck, and it really affected my practice. It wasn't unbearable pain, but it was enough to throw me off. Today, my neck totally locked on me while driving to yoga studio. Sharp pain, impossible to move... So here I am at the yoga studio, about to take my class and I can't move. My initial thought was an obvious one... How in the world am I going to get through class with this pain? It threw me off yesterday, I can only imagine what it's going to do today...
My next thought was the right one. Just focus and do the best you can... Do what you can do, but make sure you don't forget to breathe. And that was it... The pain was not with me anymore. I felt it throughout the entire class, but it didn't affect ME.... Pain was one side of the coin, and I was the other... I ended up having a great class, even though I had to skip 2 postures because of my neck...
What is life...? Focus....
11:00 PM
Day 18 under the rug... A guy at the studio today asked my how do I do it? How do you go every day? I really didn't have a clear answer. I don't really know how... I don't think its all that difficult, to be honest. You just go to class. Thats it... That's all I said...
I mean its not a big deal to go to yoga every day. Its not like I am the first one to ever attempt something like this. Its not a big deal, but it is a deal though... A deal that I am going to enjoy with full lungs. These 18 days brought some fresh air into my life, and I am just getting started.... Connecting, winning battles, breathing, focusing, what else you need in life....?
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Day 17
10:00 AM
Hurricane is blowing full speed now. My mind is using one of his strongest weapons to get back in full control. Fatigue... Right now, typing on my computer, I feel tired... Really tired... While at home, before going to yoga studio, I am in balance. Energy is there, and my motivation to go to class is never in question. Once the class starts, the fatigue sets in. Posture after posture I feel more tired, feeling my energy levels descending. The last few postures I really have to push myself to keep the focus and effort. Following the class, I feel tired for about an hour or two. Then, I channel my energy, and push strong through the day....
The truth is I am not that tired at all. Of course, I am tired from the yoga classes, and the workouts. However, that's a good fatigue. One should welcome that type of fatigue. Your body is just telling you that it is tired, but can't wait to get more of it. This is the "I am taking on the world" fatigue....
What I am feeling right now is more mental fatigue. My mind can't handle the present moment, the fact that there is no change. The fact that every day starts with the same thing. Same 26 postures. Absolute boredom... The easiest way for the mind to trick us into quiting something is to make us feel extremely tired, so we just can't do it. Our mind has that power. The same power it has to make us sick, or more sick than what we actually are. Under the influence of our mind, we tend to slow down a bit, and get into that attitude "maybe I should take it easy here and make a break..." The minute you do that, you have the collar around your neck, and your mind is walking you... You are a puppy, not the master....
2:00 PM
Well that had to happen too... Today was my worst yoga class since I started this journey. I came to class with a crook in my neck, and that was enough to ruin half of my postures. I couldn't get my arms up as usual, I couldn't bend over as usual, my focus was terrible. My mind won this one, I have to admit. Yes, my neck was in pain, but my focus should have been better, instead I just gave up on the postures that were painful. I allowed the mind to lead my practice, so my energy was directed more to the pain in my neck than to practice itself. I wasn't really upset about it, I realized that I lost this one, and moved on. You can't win all the time, but you can learn from every loss that you encounter in your life. All those negative moments that you experience, you need to cherish and embrace, with full arms. The same way you embrace something positive. Love it.... It sounds weird to love the negative moments, but if you want to evolve you need to love it.... Hold those negative moments like a mother holding her newborn baby. They are exactly what you need. Exactly what you need, no matter how painful they are. Otherwise, they wouldn't be happening. You need them to learn, to grow, and to become.... Give those negative moments a big hug, because they are just moments... In reality they are neutral, not really negative nor positive... Neutral... Our reaction to a given moment is what makes it negative or positive... We choose how to react, and then according to our choice, we either suffer or enjoy.... We smile or cry... We don't like to cry all that much. So choose to smile... Love whatever comes your way.....
11:00 PM
17 days of yoga in a row... I still can't quite believe that I am doing this. And I have 83 more to go... I have to talk to the teacher who got me into this. Its all her fault. She was the one that planted the idea in my head.... She did say 60 days of yoga, but I transformed it into a 100. My mind is going to blame, and hate her, for the next 83 days. My true self will love her for it....
Hurricane is blowing full speed now. My mind is using one of his strongest weapons to get back in full control. Fatigue... Right now, typing on my computer, I feel tired... Really tired... While at home, before going to yoga studio, I am in balance. Energy is there, and my motivation to go to class is never in question. Once the class starts, the fatigue sets in. Posture after posture I feel more tired, feeling my energy levels descending. The last few postures I really have to push myself to keep the focus and effort. Following the class, I feel tired for about an hour or two. Then, I channel my energy, and push strong through the day....
The truth is I am not that tired at all. Of course, I am tired from the yoga classes, and the workouts. However, that's a good fatigue. One should welcome that type of fatigue. Your body is just telling you that it is tired, but can't wait to get more of it. This is the "I am taking on the world" fatigue....
What I am feeling right now is more mental fatigue. My mind can't handle the present moment, the fact that there is no change. The fact that every day starts with the same thing. Same 26 postures. Absolute boredom... The easiest way for the mind to trick us into quiting something is to make us feel extremely tired, so we just can't do it. Our mind has that power. The same power it has to make us sick, or more sick than what we actually are. Under the influence of our mind, we tend to slow down a bit, and get into that attitude "maybe I should take it easy here and make a break..." The minute you do that, you have the collar around your neck, and your mind is walking you... You are a puppy, not the master....
2:00 PM
Well that had to happen too... Today was my worst yoga class since I started this journey. I came to class with a crook in my neck, and that was enough to ruin half of my postures. I couldn't get my arms up as usual, I couldn't bend over as usual, my focus was terrible. My mind won this one, I have to admit. Yes, my neck was in pain, but my focus should have been better, instead I just gave up on the postures that were painful. I allowed the mind to lead my practice, so my energy was directed more to the pain in my neck than to practice itself. I wasn't really upset about it, I realized that I lost this one, and moved on. You can't win all the time, but you can learn from every loss that you encounter in your life. All those negative moments that you experience, you need to cherish and embrace, with full arms. The same way you embrace something positive. Love it.... It sounds weird to love the negative moments, but if you want to evolve you need to love it.... Hold those negative moments like a mother holding her newborn baby. They are exactly what you need. Exactly what you need, no matter how painful they are. Otherwise, they wouldn't be happening. You need them to learn, to grow, and to become.... Give those negative moments a big hug, because they are just moments... In reality they are neutral, not really negative nor positive... Neutral... Our reaction to a given moment is what makes it negative or positive... We choose how to react, and then according to our choice, we either suffer or enjoy.... We smile or cry... We don't like to cry all that much. So choose to smile... Love whatever comes your way.....
11:00 PM
17 days of yoga in a row... I still can't quite believe that I am doing this. And I have 83 more to go... I have to talk to the teacher who got me into this. Its all her fault. She was the one that planted the idea in my head.... She did say 60 days of yoga, but I transformed it into a 100. My mind is going to blame, and hate her, for the next 83 days. My true self will love her for it....
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Day 16
10:00 AM
It is coming slowly... I can sense it creeping up... I knew that this period was going to come, just didn't know when... And I think in a few days it will take over, like a hurricane. Blasting full speed. This period will be mu second big test. First one I passed with flying colors, but this second one is going to be greater in strength and volume. The first one was a strong rain storm, the second is the eye of the hurricane. We will see if I am a house made of bricks or dry wall. Am I going to be standing tall in the middle of it, or its going to blow me away like an old umbrella...
What is coming anyway...? What is this big challenge...?
Boredom... My mind is starting to scream "This is boring... Same thing every day..." Even when the class starts I can hear it in my head: " O man here we go again with this..." This is the conflict were the mind is bored and nothing new is going on. My true self is loving it of course, but my true self doesn't talk. It is not loud enough and its not aggresive enough to be heard. My true self is just silent in the background, loving every minute of the past 16 days... My mind, on the other hand, is louder than life. Always performing at the main stage. Always the leading actor on the scene. And right now my mind is rebelling... I want change... Something different, not yoga every day... I want us to get back to "normal life"...
Which path will I take... Choices... Choices...
2:00 PM
Tired.... Extremely tired after the class today. My practice was very strong and focused, and I felt great throughout the class. However, when I got home I was dead. My legs felt like I was still doing the postures. Knees were a bit sore. Back too. I was spent.... Even so, an hour later, I was able to regain my energy and finish my day efficently. My legs were shaky, knees and back were sore, body was begging for a nap... On the inside I was cruising, loving the feeling... One can be exausted, totally beat, and still find great energy for another push. One more push... And then another one... Just doing, gives us limitless energy. You want to feel energized, ready to take on the world...?
GO TAKE ON THE WORLD....
Just sitting at home, going to work and back, where is the energy in that...? Where is the life in that...? When one lives like that, then the only energy he/she can generate is "sit at home and go to work" energy. Nothing else... Living like that paves the way for the famous quote: "I don't feel like doing anything today..." Of course you don't... You never will... Tomorrow will be the same day, all over again....
Go take on the world, NOW..... Or go take over your bed and a remote.....
11:00 PM
"Substitute Bikram for a different yoga class once in a while! You'll still do yoga every day for 100 days...but who said it had to be the same 26 postures? Spice it up...your body AND your true self will love you for it..."
Excellent comment... And it is coming from a yoga teacher, so it carries great value. I totally agree with her suggestion. The power of 100 is a yoga journey, it doesn't matter which type. Nobody said that it has to be the same exact 26 yoga postures every day. I can spice it up, change a style here and there... Like she said, my body and my true self would love me for it... They sure would, even though I am their favorite guy even now. However, another tenant of this building that I call "ME", would love me for it as well. He would REALLY love me for it. Spice it up, change, something else, different, those are his favorite dishes... My body and my true self would love me for it, sure, but they are not in danger if I continue down the same path. They are quiet tenants who live in a one bedroom apartment and they don't ask for much. They just exist... My other tenant, is quite different. He lives large, in a penthouse overlooking everything and everybody. He actually owns the building most of the time. This tenant can't wait for me to do this. To serve him his favorite dishes... He is actually threatened by the path that I am walking on. He already lost a battle, so he has to get the upper hand again. He wants the keys to the building again....
Well I am actually trying to rent that penthouse to my true self and my body... I am preparing a small studio in the basement for my mind... 26 same postures, every day, never change... That is the elevator to the basement....
Like meditation... Always the same thing, sitting on the floor focusing on the breath. Thats all.... Never changes... Simple and clear... The easiest thing to do, but at the same time the hardest thing to do. Our mind wants to move, to spice it up, to change... Every day meditation makes the mind weaker, less in control... Why...? Because meditation is a dish that our mind can't stand. It is a dish that contains special ingredient which drives the mind crazy.... In meditation a word "boring" doesn't exist... It can't exist because the main ingredient of meditation is NOW....
It is coming slowly... I can sense it creeping up... I knew that this period was going to come, just didn't know when... And I think in a few days it will take over, like a hurricane. Blasting full speed. This period will be mu second big test. First one I passed with flying colors, but this second one is going to be greater in strength and volume. The first one was a strong rain storm, the second is the eye of the hurricane. We will see if I am a house made of bricks or dry wall. Am I going to be standing tall in the middle of it, or its going to blow me away like an old umbrella...
What is coming anyway...? What is this big challenge...?
Boredom... My mind is starting to scream "This is boring... Same thing every day..." Even when the class starts I can hear it in my head: " O man here we go again with this..." This is the conflict were the mind is bored and nothing new is going on. My true self is loving it of course, but my true self doesn't talk. It is not loud enough and its not aggresive enough to be heard. My true self is just silent in the background, loving every minute of the past 16 days... My mind, on the other hand, is louder than life. Always performing at the main stage. Always the leading actor on the scene. And right now my mind is rebelling... I want change... Something different, not yoga every day... I want us to get back to "normal life"...
Which path will I take... Choices... Choices...
2:00 PM
Tired.... Extremely tired after the class today. My practice was very strong and focused, and I felt great throughout the class. However, when I got home I was dead. My legs felt like I was still doing the postures. Knees were a bit sore. Back too. I was spent.... Even so, an hour later, I was able to regain my energy and finish my day efficently. My legs were shaky, knees and back were sore, body was begging for a nap... On the inside I was cruising, loving the feeling... One can be exausted, totally beat, and still find great energy for another push. One more push... And then another one... Just doing, gives us limitless energy. You want to feel energized, ready to take on the world...?
GO TAKE ON THE WORLD....
Just sitting at home, going to work and back, where is the energy in that...? Where is the life in that...? When one lives like that, then the only energy he/she can generate is "sit at home and go to work" energy. Nothing else... Living like that paves the way for the famous quote: "I don't feel like doing anything today..." Of course you don't... You never will... Tomorrow will be the same day, all over again....
Go take on the world, NOW..... Or go take over your bed and a remote.....
11:00 PM
"Substitute Bikram for a different yoga class once in a while! You'll still do yoga every day for 100 days...but who said it had to be the same 26 postures? Spice it up...your body AND your true self will love you for it..."
Excellent comment... And it is coming from a yoga teacher, so it carries great value. I totally agree with her suggestion. The power of 100 is a yoga journey, it doesn't matter which type. Nobody said that it has to be the same exact 26 yoga postures every day. I can spice it up, change a style here and there... Like she said, my body and my true self would love me for it... They sure would, even though I am their favorite guy even now. However, another tenant of this building that I call "ME", would love me for it as well. He would REALLY love me for it. Spice it up, change, something else, different, those are his favorite dishes... My body and my true self would love me for it, sure, but they are not in danger if I continue down the same path. They are quiet tenants who live in a one bedroom apartment and they don't ask for much. They just exist... My other tenant, is quite different. He lives large, in a penthouse overlooking everything and everybody. He actually owns the building most of the time. This tenant can't wait for me to do this. To serve him his favorite dishes... He is actually threatened by the path that I am walking on. He already lost a battle, so he has to get the upper hand again. He wants the keys to the building again....
Well I am actually trying to rent that penthouse to my true self and my body... I am preparing a small studio in the basement for my mind... 26 same postures, every day, never change... That is the elevator to the basement....
Like meditation... Always the same thing, sitting on the floor focusing on the breath. Thats all.... Never changes... Simple and clear... The easiest thing to do, but at the same time the hardest thing to do. Our mind wants to move, to spice it up, to change... Every day meditation makes the mind weaker, less in control... Why...? Because meditation is a dish that our mind can't stand. It is a dish that contains special ingredient which drives the mind crazy.... In meditation a word "boring" doesn't exist... It can't exist because the main ingredient of meditation is NOW....
Monday, January 24, 2011
Day 15
10:00 AM
Today is my lazy day. Other than my yoga class, I have nothing else to do. Just following my famous Dr Cartman daily routine: hour or two on the couch, another hour in the bedroom, back to the couch, eat, back to the couch... Total relaxation, Dr Cartman's way... I love the fact that my lazy day is on Monday. Monday is always a big day, a day when work starts, a day when all new resolutions start. It always: "Ok I am starting on Monday..." I was no different, I had many Monday's too. We are programed to function like that, start on Monday and end on Sunday. Society and our environment shaped us like that. Well forget that, I am turning a Monday into Sunday. I begin on Tuesday and end on Monday. What is Monday anyway...? Just a name, a name for a specific day. Does it have real significance...? Does time in general have real significance...? If you don't know what time it is, and what day it is can you still exist...? Of course you can. Time is just an illusion... There is no time. Only a moment exists, and then another moment. And another...
Dr Cartman never knows what time it is. No clue what day it is. Don't really care to be honest. All Dr Cartman does is breathe, eat, sleep, play, love, eat some more, sleep some more, breath, play, love... That's all... Then you ask me, excuse me Dr Cartman what time it is or what day it is...? Well let me tell you, listen carefully I will only say it once:
Anything else you need boss......
2:00 PM
What....? Was I supposed to blog now...? Well I can't, I am in a middle of a silent retreat....
Some of us actually meditate, you know....
11:00 PM
Weird class today. It was a late evening class, and my energy was high, I felt rested, ready to rumble. For some reason, I started to feel weird from the very beginning. It is hard to explain the feeling. Maybe it was ENLIGHTENMENT... Yeah right, whatever.... I wish... At first, it was a feeling that I am having a terrible class. Effort not there, balance is off, the monkey is in full swing. A few postures later I realized that I am not doing bad at all. My energy was really high and I was doing the postures without much effort. I just wasn't as tired as I normally am half way through the class. Then I thought that the teacher is not that hard on us. All these thoughts were intertwined in one big thought. What was the big thought...? I don't have a clue... It was there and it wasn't there, at the same time... Once we got to the floor, this strange state continued. I started feeling really focused, like the same focus one has thinking of something really hard, and staring at one spot on the wall. I found myself staring too, but I wasn't thinking about anything. It was like a dumb stare, nothing in the head stare. I felt good inside, my energy flowing freely... I felt like I wasn't present in the room, but I wasn't absent either. Lying on the stomach and resting between postures, I started noticing some things that I never noticed before. My yoga mat is actually really thin... The floor is really hard.... My cheek bone was hurting a little bit from the floor... I could feel my eyes blinking.... Interesting feeling... After a minute or two, I was back in the old swing. Monkey turned on the dance floor lights and started his routine... My mind was like: " Come on boss, that feeling is such a cliche, you can read it in every zen book you pick up. Get real you didn't feel s*it... I was just messing with you...."
I still know what I felt.... Cliche or not....
Today is my lazy day. Other than my yoga class, I have nothing else to do. Just following my famous Dr Cartman daily routine: hour or two on the couch, another hour in the bedroom, back to the couch, eat, back to the couch... Total relaxation, Dr Cartman's way... I love the fact that my lazy day is on Monday. Monday is always a big day, a day when work starts, a day when all new resolutions start. It always: "Ok I am starting on Monday..." I was no different, I had many Monday's too. We are programed to function like that, start on Monday and end on Sunday. Society and our environment shaped us like that. Well forget that, I am turning a Monday into Sunday. I begin on Tuesday and end on Monday. What is Monday anyway...? Just a name, a name for a specific day. Does it have real significance...? Does time in general have real significance...? If you don't know what time it is, and what day it is can you still exist...? Of course you can. Time is just an illusion... There is no time. Only a moment exists, and then another moment. And another...
Dr Cartman never knows what time it is. No clue what day it is. Don't really care to be honest. All Dr Cartman does is breathe, eat, sleep, play, love, eat some more, sleep some more, breath, play, love... That's all... Then you ask me, excuse me Dr Cartman what time it is or what day it is...? Well let me tell you, listen carefully I will only say it once:
Anything else you need boss......
2:00 PM
What....? Was I supposed to blog now...? Well I can't, I am in a middle of a silent retreat....
Some of us actually meditate, you know....
11:00 PM
Weird class today. It was a late evening class, and my energy was high, I felt rested, ready to rumble. For some reason, I started to feel weird from the very beginning. It is hard to explain the feeling. Maybe it was ENLIGHTENMENT... Yeah right, whatever.... I wish... At first, it was a feeling that I am having a terrible class. Effort not there, balance is off, the monkey is in full swing. A few postures later I realized that I am not doing bad at all. My energy was really high and I was doing the postures without much effort. I just wasn't as tired as I normally am half way through the class. Then I thought that the teacher is not that hard on us. All these thoughts were intertwined in one big thought. What was the big thought...? I don't have a clue... It was there and it wasn't there, at the same time... Once we got to the floor, this strange state continued. I started feeling really focused, like the same focus one has thinking of something really hard, and staring at one spot on the wall. I found myself staring too, but I wasn't thinking about anything. It was like a dumb stare, nothing in the head stare. I felt good inside, my energy flowing freely... I felt like I wasn't present in the room, but I wasn't absent either. Lying on the stomach and resting between postures, I started noticing some things that I never noticed before. My yoga mat is actually really thin... The floor is really hard.... My cheek bone was hurting a little bit from the floor... I could feel my eyes blinking.... Interesting feeling... After a minute or two, I was back in the old swing. Monkey turned on the dance floor lights and started his routine... My mind was like: " Come on boss, that feeling is such a cliche, you can read it in every zen book you pick up. Get real you didn't feel s*it... I was just messing with you...."
I still know what I felt.... Cliche or not....
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Day 14
10:00 AM
Two weeks of yoga, without a break. Every day. In the past, I used to feel good about myself after going 4 days in a row. After that, I would take like 3 days off, just to recover. Who would have thought that I will do 14 days in a row... And still have 86 to go...
I was extremely tired towards the end of the class today. Really had to reach deep in order to generate enough energy to finish the class on a good note. Even though I found the energy I needed, I realized that I have to rest more. The night before I went to sleep very late, and woke up early in the morning to go to class. I did get 7 hours of sleep, but missed the quality sleep, missed the hours that matter the most. It is a fact that sleeping between 12 AM and 3 AM matters the most. Of course, I noticed it in class the next morning... I just felt out of juice, burned out totally. This made me think to add some more challenges to the journey. Waking up early in the morning, and going to sleep earlier in the evening, are at the top of my list. Constantly adding new challenges to my present one, can only elevate me to a higher level. Waking up... Going to sleep...
2:00 PM
It is brutally cold outside today. Again, perfect weather to fall into the state of hibernation, and to get into the state of not doing. It is so cold that it is literally impossible to stay outside for longer periods of time. Perfect opportunity to throw in the towel, and say: "Its just too cold..." Stay home and daydream in front of the TV... Just give up...
However, there is the other side of the coin. Smile at the cold and just go... Go do it. Whatever it is, just do it. It doesn't matter how are you going to do it, just do it. Disregard the weather, you are bigger than that. Walk through that snow with your head high, be a light in a dark room. Become a warrior. Warrior that is in control of every moment. Stop being a puppy, become a master....
11:00 PM
" There are no ordinary moments"
I read this in the book a few years ago. Arguably the strongest statement ever written. If one can understand this through experience, the life would be totally different. There is never nothing going on. Something is always going on, always... Being bored is a mind illusion. Its not real, there is no such thing as being bored. Being bored means that there is nothing going on. Same old, same old, nothing new.... Wrong. Its never same old, no matter how trivial it is. It is always different, always changing, moving.... There are no ordinary, boring moments. Every moment is exceptional, if we open up and experience it fully. Brushing your teeth, washing dishes, vacuuming, cooking... Exceptional. Climbing mountains, sky diving, hiking, doing yoga... Exceptional. Drop the mind and the ego for a second, and you will see it. There is no difference between brushing your teeth and climbing mountains... Its just the mind that makes that difference. It is the mind that sees climbing mountains as an amazing moment, and brushing teeth boring, ordinary moment. To our true self they are the same. Not amazing, but also not boring. It is just a moment... Thats it, just an exceptional moment.... Everything is always changing, every second brings something different. All we have to do is open our true eyes to see it. See the truth, see that there are no ordinary moments.... They are all exceptional... Why are they exceptional...? The answer is so simple, and so hard to comprehend... Because they are moments.....
Two weeks of yoga, without a break. Every day. In the past, I used to feel good about myself after going 4 days in a row. After that, I would take like 3 days off, just to recover. Who would have thought that I will do 14 days in a row... And still have 86 to go...
I was extremely tired towards the end of the class today. Really had to reach deep in order to generate enough energy to finish the class on a good note. Even though I found the energy I needed, I realized that I have to rest more. The night before I went to sleep very late, and woke up early in the morning to go to class. I did get 7 hours of sleep, but missed the quality sleep, missed the hours that matter the most. It is a fact that sleeping between 12 AM and 3 AM matters the most. Of course, I noticed it in class the next morning... I just felt out of juice, burned out totally. This made me think to add some more challenges to the journey. Waking up early in the morning, and going to sleep earlier in the evening, are at the top of my list. Constantly adding new challenges to my present one, can only elevate me to a higher level. Waking up... Going to sleep...
2:00 PM
It is brutally cold outside today. Again, perfect weather to fall into the state of hibernation, and to get into the state of not doing. It is so cold that it is literally impossible to stay outside for longer periods of time. Perfect opportunity to throw in the towel, and say: "Its just too cold..." Stay home and daydream in front of the TV... Just give up...
However, there is the other side of the coin. Smile at the cold and just go... Go do it. Whatever it is, just do it. It doesn't matter how are you going to do it, just do it. Disregard the weather, you are bigger than that. Walk through that snow with your head high, be a light in a dark room. Become a warrior. Warrior that is in control of every moment. Stop being a puppy, become a master....
11:00 PM
" There are no ordinary moments"
I read this in the book a few years ago. Arguably the strongest statement ever written. If one can understand this through experience, the life would be totally different. There is never nothing going on. Something is always going on, always... Being bored is a mind illusion. Its not real, there is no such thing as being bored. Being bored means that there is nothing going on. Same old, same old, nothing new.... Wrong. Its never same old, no matter how trivial it is. It is always different, always changing, moving.... There are no ordinary, boring moments. Every moment is exceptional, if we open up and experience it fully. Brushing your teeth, washing dishes, vacuuming, cooking... Exceptional. Climbing mountains, sky diving, hiking, doing yoga... Exceptional. Drop the mind and the ego for a second, and you will see it. There is no difference between brushing your teeth and climbing mountains... Its just the mind that makes that difference. It is the mind that sees climbing mountains as an amazing moment, and brushing teeth boring, ordinary moment. To our true self they are the same. Not amazing, but also not boring. It is just a moment... Thats it, just an exceptional moment.... Everything is always changing, every second brings something different. All we have to do is open our true eyes to see it. See the truth, see that there are no ordinary moments.... They are all exceptional... Why are they exceptional...? The answer is so simple, and so hard to comprehend... Because they are moments.....
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Day 13
10:00 AM
Early class again... New teacher. Its always refreshing to have a new teacher. I liked his style. Lots of corrections, lots of attention to details, to be honest, he corrected me more in one class than the other teachers did in the past 12 days. Very useful tips that will help me in my practice. At the same time, I totally support the other teachers for not making so many corrections. I understand their choice of letting the corrections come to me in my own time, letting my body correct itself. Thats what makes a good yoga studio absolutely priceless. An opportunity to experience various teaching styles, minds and spirits, is something special. Priceless... One's body feels like a vase being molded, carefully molded by more than one pair of hands. In their own way, each pair of hands leaves an imprint in your body and your spirit....
Therefore, I feel deeply grateful for all the teachers that I encounter in my life. Deeply grateful to the teachers who correct my postures frequently, and to the teachers who never say a word to me. They both have equal influence on my body and my mind. The truth is that, during a yoga class, as well as in life, sometimes one needs a correction, and sometimes nothing at all. At times we crave words, other times silence is our food. Words can shape mountains, but silence can move them... Which one of the two we need more...? If one is blessed to have both, all you can do is smile... Priceless...
2:00 PM
The power of 100 is slowly starting to have an effect on me. Its creeping up slowly behind the corner, like a shy puppy, but its moving in slowly. I can feel a slight change in my doing and my thinking. Don't get me wrong I am still thinking, full throttle, but I can feel that its not affecting my emotions as much. I am still a servant, but I can smell a rebellion cooking...
Today, while driving, I had one of those moments that all of us have. Driving, having a good day, snowing outside... Then the the mind kicks in. Thinking... About the past, of course, what else. It dives into all kinds of memories, some good and some bad. Most of them bad, because our mind loves the negative world. Our mind enjoys swimming in the pool of negativity, it gives him the strength to exist and feel alive. Thus, here I am driving while my mind is swimming away... And then I noticed a change. After a few minutes of this, I found myself watching this pool party, rather than being in it. Observing the feeling in my stomach, in my chest, and the rest of the body. Moment after, the thoughts were gone. I had turned on the light, the light of awareness. The brightest light of all. That was enough for my mind to surrender. The pool party was over. It was snowing outside again....
11:00 PM
Today I noticed something... I haven't blogged about my cravings for some time now. Actually, I didn't mention it since that big battle my mind and I had last week. To tell the truth I don't even think about it anymore. I knew that the big battle was the turning point. Breaking a habit is that simple, just stick with it, and win those little battles first. The little ones will make you strong enough to win the big one. Once you win that major battle you will have the upper hand. From that point on you will not even look back. If you do look back, you will just smile at it.....
Early class again... New teacher. Its always refreshing to have a new teacher. I liked his style. Lots of corrections, lots of attention to details, to be honest, he corrected me more in one class than the other teachers did in the past 12 days. Very useful tips that will help me in my practice. At the same time, I totally support the other teachers for not making so many corrections. I understand their choice of letting the corrections come to me in my own time, letting my body correct itself. Thats what makes a good yoga studio absolutely priceless. An opportunity to experience various teaching styles, minds and spirits, is something special. Priceless... One's body feels like a vase being molded, carefully molded by more than one pair of hands. In their own way, each pair of hands leaves an imprint in your body and your spirit....
Therefore, I feel deeply grateful for all the teachers that I encounter in my life. Deeply grateful to the teachers who correct my postures frequently, and to the teachers who never say a word to me. They both have equal influence on my body and my mind. The truth is that, during a yoga class, as well as in life, sometimes one needs a correction, and sometimes nothing at all. At times we crave words, other times silence is our food. Words can shape mountains, but silence can move them... Which one of the two we need more...? If one is blessed to have both, all you can do is smile... Priceless...
2:00 PM
The power of 100 is slowly starting to have an effect on me. Its creeping up slowly behind the corner, like a shy puppy, but its moving in slowly. I can feel a slight change in my doing and my thinking. Don't get me wrong I am still thinking, full throttle, but I can feel that its not affecting my emotions as much. I am still a servant, but I can smell a rebellion cooking...
Today, while driving, I had one of those moments that all of us have. Driving, having a good day, snowing outside... Then the the mind kicks in. Thinking... About the past, of course, what else. It dives into all kinds of memories, some good and some bad. Most of them bad, because our mind loves the negative world. Our mind enjoys swimming in the pool of negativity, it gives him the strength to exist and feel alive. Thus, here I am driving while my mind is swimming away... And then I noticed a change. After a few minutes of this, I found myself watching this pool party, rather than being in it. Observing the feeling in my stomach, in my chest, and the rest of the body. Moment after, the thoughts were gone. I had turned on the light, the light of awareness. The brightest light of all. That was enough for my mind to surrender. The pool party was over. It was snowing outside again....
11:00 PM
Today I noticed something... I haven't blogged about my cravings for some time now. Actually, I didn't mention it since that big battle my mind and I had last week. To tell the truth I don't even think about it anymore. I knew that the big battle was the turning point. Breaking a habit is that simple, just stick with it, and win those little battles first. The little ones will make you strong enough to win the big one. Once you win that major battle you will have the upper hand. From that point on you will not even look back. If you do look back, you will just smile at it.....
Friday, January 21, 2011
Day 12
10:00 AM
Days are just rolling... This journey is slowly changing me in some aspects. Sleeping, for instance... I sleep less, I feel that I don't need that much sleep. Even though my sleeping pattern is not the best right now, I feel fully rested the next day. I go to sleep pretty late, but I still wake up earlier every morning, regardless of what time I went to sleep the night before. Earlier, if I would go to sleep late I usually woke up later. Not now though...
Second thing is that I always have this energy in my belly. Not a lot of it, but it's just there all the time. Like a slow fire, burning away. And its a great feeling, one of those feelings that make you wanna shout something stupid while driving your car, or just laugh for no apparent reason. Even last night during the night I woke up to get some water, it was 4 AM, I felt that same energy dancing in my stomach. It was the middle of the night but I felt ready to do anything, to joke around, to laugh.... At 4 AM... Normally when one gets up in the middle of the night he/she is half asleep, stumbling to the kitchen, eyes barely open. Weird or not, I was ready to take on the world right at that moment.... Like I said great feeling....
2:00 PM
Savasana... The final posture in yoga series. The most demanding posture for an average human. We just have a hard time staying in Savasana, we want to get it over with as soon as possible. So demanding... By the way, all you do in Savasana is lying on your back and relaxing. Rejuvenating your body, mind and spirit... That's all, on the floor, eyes closed, totally relaxed... And we just can't do it, we can't wait for the teacher to leave the room so we can leave too... One can't handle not moving, not doing. The monkey in our head starts to dance, and we automatically have to run and find a dance floor for it. Its hard to believe, but for an average human it is easier to run a mile than to sit on the floor, without moving, for 15 min... That is the problem with Savasana, it is just too still...
Yoga practice is all about Savasana. It is the most important part of our practice. If you think about it, it is the most important posture of our life. To learn to relax, to just be in the moment fully, without doing anything, to just be still.... To grab that monkey by the neck, nail him to the wall, and say: " You are not going anywhere..."
11:00 AM
Another day.... Feeling really good. Body feels terrible, but I feel good. Forget the body, what matters is that I feel good... It is my 12th day so I have the right to be selfish. Sorry, my body, it will not happen again... Oh yeah, who is feeling good....? Who is feeling what...?
I just love those questions, I truly hope that in my lifetime I will be able to experience them. Right now they are just it, questions... You can't explain how the orange taste, you can tell the story of what it looks like, what its supposed to taste like, but to get the real taste you have to bite. You have to chew... So I am still waiting to chew my orange...
In the meantime, continuing to feel good and energized is just great. Feeling like that will only bring more of the same. It is as simple as that, feel good and get more good. Feel bad and get more bad. Whatever is the most dominant thought and emotion in your life, you will get more of the same. It doesn't matter if you want it or not, you think it on a regular basis, you will get it... And the emotion will follow as well. So one needs to constantly check how she or he feels. Your emotions are the result of your thoughts. So choose to swim in a pool of good thoughts. As they say in The Secret: " How do you feel right now...? You feel great... Good, keep doing the same..."
Really it is that simple..... At times, it seems impossible, but it is very much possible... Everything is possible... Everything...
Days are just rolling... This journey is slowly changing me in some aspects. Sleeping, for instance... I sleep less, I feel that I don't need that much sleep. Even though my sleeping pattern is not the best right now, I feel fully rested the next day. I go to sleep pretty late, but I still wake up earlier every morning, regardless of what time I went to sleep the night before. Earlier, if I would go to sleep late I usually woke up later. Not now though...
Second thing is that I always have this energy in my belly. Not a lot of it, but it's just there all the time. Like a slow fire, burning away. And its a great feeling, one of those feelings that make you wanna shout something stupid while driving your car, or just laugh for no apparent reason. Even last night during the night I woke up to get some water, it was 4 AM, I felt that same energy dancing in my stomach. It was the middle of the night but I felt ready to do anything, to joke around, to laugh.... At 4 AM... Normally when one gets up in the middle of the night he/she is half asleep, stumbling to the kitchen, eyes barely open. Weird or not, I was ready to take on the world right at that moment.... Like I said great feeling....
2:00 PM
Savasana... The final posture in yoga series. The most demanding posture for an average human. We just have a hard time staying in Savasana, we want to get it over with as soon as possible. So demanding... By the way, all you do in Savasana is lying on your back and relaxing. Rejuvenating your body, mind and spirit... That's all, on the floor, eyes closed, totally relaxed... And we just can't do it, we can't wait for the teacher to leave the room so we can leave too... One can't handle not moving, not doing. The monkey in our head starts to dance, and we automatically have to run and find a dance floor for it. Its hard to believe, but for an average human it is easier to run a mile than to sit on the floor, without moving, for 15 min... That is the problem with Savasana, it is just too still...
Yoga practice is all about Savasana. It is the most important part of our practice. If you think about it, it is the most important posture of our life. To learn to relax, to just be in the moment fully, without doing anything, to just be still.... To grab that monkey by the neck, nail him to the wall, and say: " You are not going anywhere..."
11:00 AM
Another day.... Feeling really good. Body feels terrible, but I feel good. Forget the body, what matters is that I feel good... It is my 12th day so I have the right to be selfish. Sorry, my body, it will not happen again... Oh yeah, who is feeling good....? Who is feeling what...?
I just love those questions, I truly hope that in my lifetime I will be able to experience them. Right now they are just it, questions... You can't explain how the orange taste, you can tell the story of what it looks like, what its supposed to taste like, but to get the real taste you have to bite. You have to chew... So I am still waiting to chew my orange...
In the meantime, continuing to feel good and energized is just great. Feeling like that will only bring more of the same. It is as simple as that, feel good and get more good. Feel bad and get more bad. Whatever is the most dominant thought and emotion in your life, you will get more of the same. It doesn't matter if you want it or not, you think it on a regular basis, you will get it... And the emotion will follow as well. So one needs to constantly check how she or he feels. Your emotions are the result of your thoughts. So choose to swim in a pool of good thoughts. As they say in The Secret: " How do you feel right now...? You feel great... Good, keep doing the same..."
Really it is that simple..... At times, it seems impossible, but it is very much possible... Everything is possible... Everything...
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Day 11
10:00 AM
Canadian winter is a perfect time for one to reconnect with the true self and really see who is in control. The self, or the mind. Why...? Because it is the worst weather you can find. Every day the same, cold, gray and gloomy. No sunshine, temperature never goes above zero. Weather that gives you absolutely no energy, in contrary, it takes away energy. Very easily one can fall under the influence of the weather, and just slide into the state of hibernation. No desire to get out and do things, no willingness to move and get your body going. Just pure laziness and somewhat boredom. "I mean what do you want me to do, it's freezing outside.... I don't feel like going out its too cold, I hate this weather..." Many of us say this. Numerous times....
There is no real self in a life like this. No awareness of who we are, what we need, what our bodies actually need. It's all our mind 100%... Our body wants to be cold for some time, to freeze, to be even miserable. Our real self wants to get out, do something, whatever that might be. Real self wants to sweat, and be sore and tired. While you going around and doing things, you burn that energy, but at the same time you create new energy. Its a constant cycle, it just keeps going in circles. Burn and produce... The more you spend, the more you will produce. Even when your body is dead tired, the energy inside is cooking and getting ready to get out. And then you will always be ready to jump, ready to dance. Being tired or sore lasts for a day or two, inner energy can carry you for a long time....
So which life will you take today....? The life of the mind or the life of the real self...? Choices, choices.....
2:00 PM
Step by step my body is slowly getting tired. My knees are sore all the time, and my hamstrings are tighter and tighter. My body is in somewhat weird state. When I talked to one of the teachers and told them of how I felt, they told me its normal. It is normal to feel worse than before, and to feel like you are going backwards. Now I am not sure if this is just my mind talking, but I can feel that body state. My body hurts, and it is very tired... However, with all the backwards effects, I can feel it going forward. Its like my body is still getting used to all the new openings, stretches, and balances. Almost like its going back inside itself, getting ready to fully bloom... The fact is, all the pain and fatigue feels great....
My class was a strong one. Started of really tired during the breathing exercises, and for a moment I thought that I am just too tired. I wondered how am I going to generate enough energy to carry me through today's class. And then nothing. Thats the last thought I remember playing in my head. After that it was just the postures. Pull, kick, balance, breathe, stretch... Tired thoughts were out of the window. I wish I could have all the thoughts out of the window during a class. Then I can finally say I went to a Yoga class.....
11:00
I wonder if it is possible to rise above your thoughts and the mind that creates them. It is impossible not to have thoughts. That's for sure. There will always be thought's in one's head. And having thoughts is not a bad thing. They are actually very useful and helpful. Useful and helpful only if you are above them, in control, in a driver's seat. Unfortunately, we are buried deeply under the clouds of thoughts, so deeply that we don't even know we have thoughts running in our head... We think its a normal state... The radio that constantly plays in our head is shaping us, who we are and how we act. Zen teachers like to say that we have a monkey in our head's, constantly jumping all over the place, never calm. As a result, our emotions, moods, behavior, relationship with others, are constantly jumping all over the place... We become the monkey... And then we suffer....
Ability to rise above our thoughts, to observe them from the side, like a spectator, changes one's life completely. A person who is in control, doesn't have a monkey in the head. It is more like a calm sea. Immense space, limitless power, raw strength... But calm... This person sees the thoughts for what they really are. Just thoughts. Not real... So he/she is never overpowered and choked by the thoughts. How can you be controlled by something that is not real...? Once we realize this simple fact, we will see and feel for the first time. For the first time we will know how does the apple really taste, what love really feels like... For the first time we will be alive and we will love every moment of it. For the first time we will have a Yoga class...
Canadian winter is a perfect time for one to reconnect with the true self and really see who is in control. The self, or the mind. Why...? Because it is the worst weather you can find. Every day the same, cold, gray and gloomy. No sunshine, temperature never goes above zero. Weather that gives you absolutely no energy, in contrary, it takes away energy. Very easily one can fall under the influence of the weather, and just slide into the state of hibernation. No desire to get out and do things, no willingness to move and get your body going. Just pure laziness and somewhat boredom. "I mean what do you want me to do, it's freezing outside.... I don't feel like going out its too cold, I hate this weather..." Many of us say this. Numerous times....
There is no real self in a life like this. No awareness of who we are, what we need, what our bodies actually need. It's all our mind 100%... Our body wants to be cold for some time, to freeze, to be even miserable. Our real self wants to get out, do something, whatever that might be. Real self wants to sweat, and be sore and tired. While you going around and doing things, you burn that energy, but at the same time you create new energy. Its a constant cycle, it just keeps going in circles. Burn and produce... The more you spend, the more you will produce. Even when your body is dead tired, the energy inside is cooking and getting ready to get out. And then you will always be ready to jump, ready to dance. Being tired or sore lasts for a day or two, inner energy can carry you for a long time....
So which life will you take today....? The life of the mind or the life of the real self...? Choices, choices.....
2:00 PM
Step by step my body is slowly getting tired. My knees are sore all the time, and my hamstrings are tighter and tighter. My body is in somewhat weird state. When I talked to one of the teachers and told them of how I felt, they told me its normal. It is normal to feel worse than before, and to feel like you are going backwards. Now I am not sure if this is just my mind talking, but I can feel that body state. My body hurts, and it is very tired... However, with all the backwards effects, I can feel it going forward. Its like my body is still getting used to all the new openings, stretches, and balances. Almost like its going back inside itself, getting ready to fully bloom... The fact is, all the pain and fatigue feels great....
My class was a strong one. Started of really tired during the breathing exercises, and for a moment I thought that I am just too tired. I wondered how am I going to generate enough energy to carry me through today's class. And then nothing. Thats the last thought I remember playing in my head. After that it was just the postures. Pull, kick, balance, breathe, stretch... Tired thoughts were out of the window. I wish I could have all the thoughts out of the window during a class. Then I can finally say I went to a Yoga class.....
11:00
I wonder if it is possible to rise above your thoughts and the mind that creates them. It is impossible not to have thoughts. That's for sure. There will always be thought's in one's head. And having thoughts is not a bad thing. They are actually very useful and helpful. Useful and helpful only if you are above them, in control, in a driver's seat. Unfortunately, we are buried deeply under the clouds of thoughts, so deeply that we don't even know we have thoughts running in our head... We think its a normal state... The radio that constantly plays in our head is shaping us, who we are and how we act. Zen teachers like to say that we have a monkey in our head's, constantly jumping all over the place, never calm. As a result, our emotions, moods, behavior, relationship with others, are constantly jumping all over the place... We become the monkey... And then we suffer....
Ability to rise above our thoughts, to observe them from the side, like a spectator, changes one's life completely. A person who is in control, doesn't have a monkey in the head. It is more like a calm sea. Immense space, limitless power, raw strength... But calm... This person sees the thoughts for what they really are. Just thoughts. Not real... So he/she is never overpowered and choked by the thoughts. How can you be controlled by something that is not real...? Once we realize this simple fact, we will see and feel for the first time. For the first time we will know how does the apple really taste, what love really feels like... For the first time we will be alive and we will love every moment of it. For the first time we will have a Yoga class...
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Day 10
10:00 AM
Early yoga class. Always a tough one for me. Just in terms of flexibility. Once I go trough the warm up postures, I am fine, and usually full of energy. This was my 10th class in a row. No break. And how does my body feel...? Worse than it felt before starting this journey... My hamstrings are less flexible, and sore all the time. My lower back, more or less, the same. Who would have thought that it would be like that? Normally, it should be the other way around after so many yoga classes. Well it's not... Now, the funny part is that I am on the right track, this is exactly how my body should feel. It will feel like I am going backwards for some time, and then eventually the body will open up. When will this happen though...? Great chance to use the greatest answer of all. DON'T KNOW.....
2:00 PM
Roles... Why do we play them...? Why don't we live how we really feel...? Our life is a stage, a massive stage, and all of us have different roles on that stage. And we play them the best we can. So there is a role of a successful businessman, a role of independent woman, a role of a wife, husband, mother, father, doctor, teacher... Roles, roles, roles. There is a set of so called rules, of how each role should be played, and we follow it blindly. We don't know why we play these roles, but we play them with passion. And the worst part is that we identify with them. We think that we are them, and the roles are shaping us on the end. Nobody is fully honest, nobody is real. Everybody is trying to play a different role. There is no real connection, because we don't play US. We don't live from within our real self. We play and live according to our surroundings...
There is a teacher at this yoga studio who I think doesn't play the yoga teacher role. I don't know this teacher outside the studio, but while in there and teaching, really seems genuine. Doesn't use the quotes and the motivational tools, which most of the yoga teachers use, just very direct and focused on the postures. Come in, smile, breathe, explain, help people, and then leave. Very simple. When I asked why is it like that, the response was perfect: " Its just not me..." Its just refreshing to see someone like that in a place where everyone tries to be on some kind of level. ... Independence... Strive for it all the time... Don't imitate...
11:00 PM
Day 10... Like my friend said they do go quick. I am at the point now where I don't really pay attention to the number. That's probably because I have so many of them left. However, it is slowly turning into just wake up and go. Slowly but surely. Day 10... Just a day...
Early yoga class. Always a tough one for me. Just in terms of flexibility. Once I go trough the warm up postures, I am fine, and usually full of energy. This was my 10th class in a row. No break. And how does my body feel...? Worse than it felt before starting this journey... My hamstrings are less flexible, and sore all the time. My lower back, more or less, the same. Who would have thought that it would be like that? Normally, it should be the other way around after so many yoga classes. Well it's not... Now, the funny part is that I am on the right track, this is exactly how my body should feel. It will feel like I am going backwards for some time, and then eventually the body will open up. When will this happen though...? Great chance to use the greatest answer of all. DON'T KNOW.....
2:00 PM
Roles... Why do we play them...? Why don't we live how we really feel...? Our life is a stage, a massive stage, and all of us have different roles on that stage. And we play them the best we can. So there is a role of a successful businessman, a role of independent woman, a role of a wife, husband, mother, father, doctor, teacher... Roles, roles, roles. There is a set of so called rules, of how each role should be played, and we follow it blindly. We don't know why we play these roles, but we play them with passion. And the worst part is that we identify with them. We think that we are them, and the roles are shaping us on the end. Nobody is fully honest, nobody is real. Everybody is trying to play a different role. There is no real connection, because we don't play US. We don't live from within our real self. We play and live according to our surroundings...
There is a teacher at this yoga studio who I think doesn't play the yoga teacher role. I don't know this teacher outside the studio, but while in there and teaching, really seems genuine. Doesn't use the quotes and the motivational tools, which most of the yoga teachers use, just very direct and focused on the postures. Come in, smile, breathe, explain, help people, and then leave. Very simple. When I asked why is it like that, the response was perfect: " Its just not me..." Its just refreshing to see someone like that in a place where everyone tries to be on some kind of level. ... Independence... Strive for it all the time... Don't imitate...
11:00 PM
Day 10... Like my friend said they do go quick. I am at the point now where I don't really pay attention to the number. That's probably because I have so many of them left. However, it is slowly turning into just wake up and go. Slowly but surely. Day 10... Just a day...
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Day 9
10:00 AM
"The darkest and the most heated room is the one between our ears."
Our yoga teacher said that, last night during class, and I woke up this morning with that thought buzzing in my head. During a Yoga class, it is extremely hot in the room. Very humid, so for a beginner it is sometimes unbearable. It makes you think, what in the world am I doing here? This can't be good for me or my body. Its just too hot and I can't breathe... After some time, you learn how to control your breath, and your mind quites down, so you realize that is not that hot and unbearable inside that room, after all. It starts to feel good actually. You find yourself welcoming the heat, and the sweat just running down your face. So it is not the actual yoga room. It is not the heat. Or the humidity... It is the room and the heat between our ears. That's what makes this class sometimes too hard and too hot. After a while the room is not as hot, the class is not as hard. What had changed... Nothing... The room is still the same temperature. The class is still the same. Everything is the same... However, the heat between the ears is lower, and there is light in that room now. Small light, but still light. Its not so dark and hot as it used to be. Its more open, different lights are shining inside now, the monkey has calm down a bit... And that makes the world of difference... When you realize that and experience it, than, just for a fraction of a moment, you are living.....
2:00 PM
Not a very good class today. I was a little tired, but most of all my focus wasn't there. I couldn't hold my balance as my mind was wondering too much. Nothing specific but still wondering. Once we got into the second part of practice, then I was fine again. I regained my strength and focus, and finished a class on a good note. In some areas of my body I am improving and I can see it clearly, but in the other areas still no progress. After all, its just 9 days I wasn't expecting anything better. To tell the truth I don't really know what to expect. Thats a good thing about this journey, doing it and not knowing the result. What will my body be like after 100 practices? How flexible, balanced, strong am I going to be? Yoga experts say that 60 yoga classes in a row will redefine your body...
How do they know that for sure...? Everybody is different, so the body is different, too. Some more flexible, some more balanced. Some improve faster and some slower. Some change quickly and some hardly even change... Different... So how can you make that statement then...?
If you look at this from another angle, then this statement makes perfect sense. All bodies are the same. The difference is just on the outside, but on the inside its all the same. If you peel a human being like you peel an onion, under each layer you will find the same things. Same organs, tissues, bones... Most of all its the same energy. One big energy. All of us, all the bodies. No difference... One energy. Boundless. Boundless, if one knows how to become one with it. Of course most of us don't even know that this one energy exists. So we think that we are different that the person next to us. And then we compare, judge, envy, hate... So if one can just shift the outlook on life, the outlook on yoga practice and the body, then it is all possible. Then everything is quite possible...
Which of the two arguments is the correct one? Am I going to see major body change after this journey, or its going to be nothing special...? The only answer one can give is the best answer. The only true answer. The answer that answers it all. DON'T KNOW....
11:00 PM
Ninth step of my journey... Other than the freezing rain, making driving absolute hell, it was a good day. Maybe it was a good day because of the freezing rain. Who knows.... What a good day anyway? I have to stop calling it a good day. What is the deciding factor that makes a day good or bad? It can always be better and it can always be worse. In reality there is no good or bad. When one realizes that there is no "I", that its false and not real, then there is no dualism. You can't differentiate good from bad, pretty from ugly, love from hate, because there is no "I" to compare, to judge, to hate... Then its all just what it is. A day is just a day. Its not a good one and its not a bad one. Its just a day.....
So my opening line should have been more like this: "Ninth step of my journey... It was a day today, with freezing rain and hard driving. Just a day..."
"The darkest and the most heated room is the one between our ears."
Our yoga teacher said that, last night during class, and I woke up this morning with that thought buzzing in my head. During a Yoga class, it is extremely hot in the room. Very humid, so for a beginner it is sometimes unbearable. It makes you think, what in the world am I doing here? This can't be good for me or my body. Its just too hot and I can't breathe... After some time, you learn how to control your breath, and your mind quites down, so you realize that is not that hot and unbearable inside that room, after all. It starts to feel good actually. You find yourself welcoming the heat, and the sweat just running down your face. So it is not the actual yoga room. It is not the heat. Or the humidity... It is the room and the heat between our ears. That's what makes this class sometimes too hard and too hot. After a while the room is not as hot, the class is not as hard. What had changed... Nothing... The room is still the same temperature. The class is still the same. Everything is the same... However, the heat between the ears is lower, and there is light in that room now. Small light, but still light. Its not so dark and hot as it used to be. Its more open, different lights are shining inside now, the monkey has calm down a bit... And that makes the world of difference... When you realize that and experience it, than, just for a fraction of a moment, you are living.....
2:00 PM
Not a very good class today. I was a little tired, but most of all my focus wasn't there. I couldn't hold my balance as my mind was wondering too much. Nothing specific but still wondering. Once we got into the second part of practice, then I was fine again. I regained my strength and focus, and finished a class on a good note. In some areas of my body I am improving and I can see it clearly, but in the other areas still no progress. After all, its just 9 days I wasn't expecting anything better. To tell the truth I don't really know what to expect. Thats a good thing about this journey, doing it and not knowing the result. What will my body be like after 100 practices? How flexible, balanced, strong am I going to be? Yoga experts say that 60 yoga classes in a row will redefine your body...
How do they know that for sure...? Everybody is different, so the body is different, too. Some more flexible, some more balanced. Some improve faster and some slower. Some change quickly and some hardly even change... Different... So how can you make that statement then...?
If you look at this from another angle, then this statement makes perfect sense. All bodies are the same. The difference is just on the outside, but on the inside its all the same. If you peel a human being like you peel an onion, under each layer you will find the same things. Same organs, tissues, bones... Most of all its the same energy. One big energy. All of us, all the bodies. No difference... One energy. Boundless. Boundless, if one knows how to become one with it. Of course most of us don't even know that this one energy exists. So we think that we are different that the person next to us. And then we compare, judge, envy, hate... So if one can just shift the outlook on life, the outlook on yoga practice and the body, then it is all possible. Then everything is quite possible...
Which of the two arguments is the correct one? Am I going to see major body change after this journey, or its going to be nothing special...? The only answer one can give is the best answer. The only true answer. The answer that answers it all. DON'T KNOW....
11:00 PM
Ninth step of my journey... Other than the freezing rain, making driving absolute hell, it was a good day. Maybe it was a good day because of the freezing rain. Who knows.... What a good day anyway? I have to stop calling it a good day. What is the deciding factor that makes a day good or bad? It can always be better and it can always be worse. In reality there is no good or bad. When one realizes that there is no "I", that its false and not real, then there is no dualism. You can't differentiate good from bad, pretty from ugly, love from hate, because there is no "I" to compare, to judge, to hate... Then its all just what it is. A day is just a day. Its not a good one and its not a bad one. Its just a day.....
So my opening line should have been more like this: "Ninth step of my journey... It was a day today, with freezing rain and hard driving. Just a day..."
Monday, January 17, 2011
Day 8
10:00 AM
I am in my second week now. So far its been relatively easy, easier than I thought it would be. Slowly I can taste the change in myself and in the life itself. Real small change, though... Just a slight shift in attitude, attention and way of life. Still miles away from where it should be. Where it needs to be. Of course, one has no clue about where it should and needs to be. But that is a good thing... My cravings are at the minimum now. I still have them but they lack any real power. After all these little battles, I am confident to say that this big battle is mine.... Me 1 - My Mind 0... If you want to talk about good feeling there is one for you. The best one. At least for me. To be able to saddle your mind and ride it where you want to, and use it however you want to... Thats a good feeling, and I will cherish, it because moments like this are extremely rare. Usually its the mind that rides us, we want it or not....
2:00 PM
Here it is... The big battle... As soon as I wrote today that I won one big battle, the mind comes back with one last effort. Of course, something happened on the outside in my life, and the mind uses it to get his advantage back. Now my cravings are through the roof. Its like a fire alarm inside my head. Amazing how powerful the mind is, never gives up... Millions of thoughts why i have to do that and not this. I had those same thoughts before, but now they are like a hurricane. Blowing my head off from the inside. I just knew this was going to happen. The only reason why it didn't happen before, is because there was no stress in my life. So as soon as the situation came up, here comes the cavalry. Full force. Now we are battling, all those things before were just a warm up. The big finale is now.... Who will be in control...?
11:00 PM
Went to a late yoga class today. I always have a better class when I go in the evening. In the morning I am less flexible and my energy levels are lower, but in the evening, everything is on the higher level. So it was a really good class today. A very interesting teacher too, very energetic, with a specific voice. Like I said before, I never thought that someone can really give you energy. And this teacher, also, doesn't give energy with his attitude, or things he says, or things he does. Its just the color of his voice that lifted me up. It doesn't matter what was he talking about, just the color of his voice, the power behind it. Like you can really feel it in your chest when he uses that deep, deep voice. Amazing stuff really, its hard to explain but for those who get a chance to experience it they will know what I am talking about...
Oh yeah, in case you were wondering... You know the battle... The big battle... Well I won... Fare and square... Now I can sleep as a winner...
I am in my second week now. So far its been relatively easy, easier than I thought it would be. Slowly I can taste the change in myself and in the life itself. Real small change, though... Just a slight shift in attitude, attention and way of life. Still miles away from where it should be. Where it needs to be. Of course, one has no clue about where it should and needs to be. But that is a good thing... My cravings are at the minimum now. I still have them but they lack any real power. After all these little battles, I am confident to say that this big battle is mine.... Me 1 - My Mind 0... If you want to talk about good feeling there is one for you. The best one. At least for me. To be able to saddle your mind and ride it where you want to, and use it however you want to... Thats a good feeling, and I will cherish, it because moments like this are extremely rare. Usually its the mind that rides us, we want it or not....
2:00 PM
Here it is... The big battle... As soon as I wrote today that I won one big battle, the mind comes back with one last effort. Of course, something happened on the outside in my life, and the mind uses it to get his advantage back. Now my cravings are through the roof. Its like a fire alarm inside my head. Amazing how powerful the mind is, never gives up... Millions of thoughts why i have to do that and not this. I had those same thoughts before, but now they are like a hurricane. Blowing my head off from the inside. I just knew this was going to happen. The only reason why it didn't happen before, is because there was no stress in my life. So as soon as the situation came up, here comes the cavalry. Full force. Now we are battling, all those things before were just a warm up. The big finale is now.... Who will be in control...?
11:00 PM
Went to a late yoga class today. I always have a better class when I go in the evening. In the morning I am less flexible and my energy levels are lower, but in the evening, everything is on the higher level. So it was a really good class today. A very interesting teacher too, very energetic, with a specific voice. Like I said before, I never thought that someone can really give you energy. And this teacher, also, doesn't give energy with his attitude, or things he says, or things he does. Its just the color of his voice that lifted me up. It doesn't matter what was he talking about, just the color of his voice, the power behind it. Like you can really feel it in your chest when he uses that deep, deep voice. Amazing stuff really, its hard to explain but for those who get a chance to experience it they will know what I am talking about...
Oh yeah, in case you were wondering... You know the battle... The big battle... Well I won... Fare and square... Now I can sleep as a winner...
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Day 7
10:00 AM
58 students at a yoga class this morning!!! On a Sunday. At 10 in the morning. I went to the studio expecting it will be half empty, instead, it was more people than ever. Some people actually like it when the class is packed. The energy is stronger, the shared yoga energy, the energy between people. I never really felt that way. For myself, there is no difference if there is 100 or 1 student in class. I never had that 'share the energy' feeling. To me its the power I have within myself, it has nothing to do with the others. We are, of course, all one big energy, but the actual energy that gets me going has nothing to do with other people. And they really emphasize that in every yoga studio. "Great energy, great energy today guys. You guys have amazing energy..." I don't know about that. How do you feel that energy? Just because people are working hard and giving their best doesn't mean they have great energy. I know myself I would go extremely hard during practice, giving it my all, looking really focused and determined. But inside my energy was on the floor, I was just making myself work that hard. Sometimes I think that people say things that are good to hear, to motivate, inspire, to encourage people. And I think its a good thing if its genuine, otherwise they are just empty words. Then again, all words are empty....
2:00 PM
Sunday... I finished my first week. Did everything I intended to do this week. Won all the little battles, and went to yoga every single day. I do feel that my knees and my groins are a little sore from practice. Hopefully they are just opening up and the discomfort will pass. Next week I will have to add another weekly goal for myself. I am reading this book "Getting Things Done" and I think that it will be my new little goal. To get things done... To organize myself in all areas, business and personal, so I don't miss anything. Leave nothing for tomorrow or for the next day. To follow my vision and to work towards it. Don't talk about it, be about it. Because everything is possible in life. Everything. You just have to want it with your whole being, work towards it, and vision it in your mind like you already have it. Very simple. Say to the universe what you want, what you really want, and then vision it in your mind, like its already in your life. Whatever it is, the highest possible goal if you want. Don't question it don't ask how. Just have it in your vision, work hard towards in and don't ask questions. Just be patient and you will have it. The reason we don't have everything we want, lies within ourselves. We don't have the courage to want it, to just jump into the unknown and grab what we want. Because we all have that one little thought that paralyzes us, and we just cant jump. And that little thought, that doubt, no matter how small it is, can ruin everything. We all have the famous: "WHAT IF......" The famous thought that humans cannot get rid of. Cannot shake that constant fear of failure. So we just continue our lives with what we already have, even though we don't like it,we stick with it. It is safe ground for us. No surprises. After all, that jump into the unknown can go in many directions. I mean, seriously, WHAT IF.........
11:00
Good night... See you next week....
58 students at a yoga class this morning!!! On a Sunday. At 10 in the morning. I went to the studio expecting it will be half empty, instead, it was more people than ever. Some people actually like it when the class is packed. The energy is stronger, the shared yoga energy, the energy between people. I never really felt that way. For myself, there is no difference if there is 100 or 1 student in class. I never had that 'share the energy' feeling. To me its the power I have within myself, it has nothing to do with the others. We are, of course, all one big energy, but the actual energy that gets me going has nothing to do with other people. And they really emphasize that in every yoga studio. "Great energy, great energy today guys. You guys have amazing energy..." I don't know about that. How do you feel that energy? Just because people are working hard and giving their best doesn't mean they have great energy. I know myself I would go extremely hard during practice, giving it my all, looking really focused and determined. But inside my energy was on the floor, I was just making myself work that hard. Sometimes I think that people say things that are good to hear, to motivate, inspire, to encourage people. And I think its a good thing if its genuine, otherwise they are just empty words. Then again, all words are empty....
2:00 PM
Sunday... I finished my first week. Did everything I intended to do this week. Won all the little battles, and went to yoga every single day. I do feel that my knees and my groins are a little sore from practice. Hopefully they are just opening up and the discomfort will pass. Next week I will have to add another weekly goal for myself. I am reading this book "Getting Things Done" and I think that it will be my new little goal. To get things done... To organize myself in all areas, business and personal, so I don't miss anything. Leave nothing for tomorrow or for the next day. To follow my vision and to work towards it. Don't talk about it, be about it. Because everything is possible in life. Everything. You just have to want it with your whole being, work towards it, and vision it in your mind like you already have it. Very simple. Say to the universe what you want, what you really want, and then vision it in your mind, like its already in your life. Whatever it is, the highest possible goal if you want. Don't question it don't ask how. Just have it in your vision, work hard towards in and don't ask questions. Just be patient and you will have it. The reason we don't have everything we want, lies within ourselves. We don't have the courage to want it, to just jump into the unknown and grab what we want. Because we all have that one little thought that paralyzes us, and we just cant jump. And that little thought, that doubt, no matter how small it is, can ruin everything. We all have the famous: "WHAT IF......" The famous thought that humans cannot get rid of. Cannot shake that constant fear of failure. So we just continue our lives with what we already have, even though we don't like it,we stick with it. It is safe ground for us. No surprises. After all, that jump into the unknown can go in many directions. I mean, seriously, WHAT IF.........
11:00
Good night... See you next week....
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Day 6
10:00 AM
Day 6 started with early yoga class. I was at the studio at 7.30 AM or so, it was still kind of dark outside. What a change in my weekend routine. Last Saturday morning I woke up at 11 AM still hang over from a night before. I mean I am not a heavy drinker, but I liked to drink on the weekends. So instead of going to sleep around 7 in the morning, I was in a yoga studio. To my surprise, it was a lot of people there, despite the snow storm outside. People really like yoga around here, most of them like the heat, and we all know why...
Every day in a Yoga studio one has the opportunity to learn something. Stories, quotes, facts.... Like here is a story for you: In the yoga academy in Los Angeles, all the advanced classes are taught by a 85 years old lady. 85 years old!!!! And she teaches the advanced yoga series, serious stuff. How about that...? This lady has been doing Yoga for almost 40 years. Just think about what, most of people at that age, look like.... And she is teaching and leading classes that require extreme strength and flexibility. So is Yoga good for you....?
2:00 PM
Snow, snow and more snow. You have to love Canada.... Today I woke up with that 'proud of myself' feeling. I managed to do things that I couldn't do before. Set new records and accomplishments. Of course, little battles with my mind are still present, but again I am in control. In control of the little battles, not the mind, of course. I wish... My cravings are still there but they are slowly fading and becoming less frequent. At the same time I can feel that I am developing the ability to live without the things my mind craves. Something I learned with the craving issues is that we always say our body craves this or that. No it doesn't. Or body has needs that we have to fulfill in order for it to function. And thats it, the body doesn't need anything more. Its the mind that needs this or that, its the mind that depends on different things. So if one tries to brake a habit, any habit, the entire focus needs to be on the mind. So all those helpful tools that people get in order to quit something, or brake a habit, are useless. All it does is giving the mind something else to attach too. And the mind is happy with that, as long as he has something to cling on. What it is, he doesn't care...
11:00 AM
Day 6 see you... A good day for your average day 6... I cleaned my closet, finally today. One should be always neat and clean. Zen teachers always say that the way you, your clothes, and your house look like is a reflection of your head. What is inside your head, is it order and peace, or is it disorder and chaos...? Well, take a look around you, and in the mirror. There is your answer....
A buddhist temple, for example, is always in perfect order. Simple. Not a lot of furniture, wall hangings, carpets, etc... Just what's needed for the students and teachers to live a normal life. Very minimalistic way of life. That is because they believe that too many things around the house create a distraction. It makes the mind wonder more. It takes away energy... Now, in our world we tend to have too much of everything. All kinds of furniture, wall hangings, carpets, etc... We like the cluster, minimalism is too dry for us, it has "no soul" as many people like to put it. Really....???
Is it order and peace in our heads, or disorder and chaos...? Look around, look in the mirror...
Day 6 started with early yoga class. I was at the studio at 7.30 AM or so, it was still kind of dark outside. What a change in my weekend routine. Last Saturday morning I woke up at 11 AM still hang over from a night before. I mean I am not a heavy drinker, but I liked to drink on the weekends. So instead of going to sleep around 7 in the morning, I was in a yoga studio. To my surprise, it was a lot of people there, despite the snow storm outside. People really like yoga around here, most of them like the heat, and we all know why...
Every day in a Yoga studio one has the opportunity to learn something. Stories, quotes, facts.... Like here is a story for you: In the yoga academy in Los Angeles, all the advanced classes are taught by a 85 years old lady. 85 years old!!!! And she teaches the advanced yoga series, serious stuff. How about that...? This lady has been doing Yoga for almost 40 years. Just think about what, most of people at that age, look like.... And she is teaching and leading classes that require extreme strength and flexibility. So is Yoga good for you....?
2:00 PM
Snow, snow and more snow. You have to love Canada.... Today I woke up with that 'proud of myself' feeling. I managed to do things that I couldn't do before. Set new records and accomplishments. Of course, little battles with my mind are still present, but again I am in control. In control of the little battles, not the mind, of course. I wish... My cravings are still there but they are slowly fading and becoming less frequent. At the same time I can feel that I am developing the ability to live without the things my mind craves. Something I learned with the craving issues is that we always say our body craves this or that. No it doesn't. Or body has needs that we have to fulfill in order for it to function. And thats it, the body doesn't need anything more. Its the mind that needs this or that, its the mind that depends on different things. So if one tries to brake a habit, any habit, the entire focus needs to be on the mind. So all those helpful tools that people get in order to quit something, or brake a habit, are useless. All it does is giving the mind something else to attach too. And the mind is happy with that, as long as he has something to cling on. What it is, he doesn't care...
11:00 AM
Day 6 see you... A good day for your average day 6... I cleaned my closet, finally today. One should be always neat and clean. Zen teachers always say that the way you, your clothes, and your house look like is a reflection of your head. What is inside your head, is it order and peace, or is it disorder and chaos...? Well, take a look around you, and in the mirror. There is your answer....
A buddhist temple, for example, is always in perfect order. Simple. Not a lot of furniture, wall hangings, carpets, etc... Just what's needed for the students and teachers to live a normal life. Very minimalistic way of life. That is because they believe that too many things around the house create a distraction. It makes the mind wonder more. It takes away energy... Now, in our world we tend to have too much of everything. All kinds of furniture, wall hangings, carpets, etc... We like the cluster, minimalism is too dry for us, it has "no soul" as many people like to put it. Really....???
Is it order and peace in our heads, or disorder and chaos...? Look around, look in the mirror...
Friday, January 14, 2011
Day 5
10:00 AM
Record breaking day... After today I will have something to be proud of. This will mark the longest time I was able to overcome my cravings in last few years. Also, after my class today, this will be the longest Yoga streak ever in my life. I have never taken 5 classes in a row, without a break. So, yes I know, being proud is a false thing and one should not cherish it, but I will allow myself to feel good, and be proud, about it. At least for 10 minutes... Ok maybe a little longer... I still have little battles with my mind, but I have to say that they are less frequent. Equal in strength, but less frequent. Still winning, with a smile on my face. Of course, I am still waiting for the grand battle that my mind is preparing. What if that battle never comes? What if this is it, bunch of small battles? Could it be that easy, and we just make it harder than it actually is? I sure hope so, but I doubt it....
2:00 AM
Great class. This time I had great energy before and during class. Really easing through all the postures, connecting with my breath more than usual. Good feeling. Now drop it, and get back to reality.... Lose the good feeling just like you need to lose the bad feeling, if you ever have one. After all its just a feeling....
Fantastic story I heard today during class. One of the best stories I have heard in a while:
"A man was trying to learn how to meditate. So he got the instructions on how to meditate from his teacher and went home to practice. One day he would meditate and the cars would be driving by... So the noise distracted him... Second day he would meditate again, and this time the birds were singing.... He got distracted again... So he went back to his teacher and told him about his troubles. And the teacher said to him : ARE YOU LETTING THEM INSIDE AND THEY BOTHER YOU, OR YOU ARE GOING OUTSIDE BOTHERING THEM......."
What a great story.... No need for explanation... Just pure inspiration....
11:00 AM
Another day gone by... After each day I can feel that I am closer to my source. Source where everything comes from. Source where the answers and questions are. I am nowhere near that source right now, I might never be, but I am closer than I was last Friday. I know that much...
One should always live a life that is close to the source. Always try to remind yourself of it. Hang out with mindful people, read books, do yoga, meditate, spend time at a temple, church, pray, whatever you are into, but just make sure that you are not far away from your true source. Eventually it will become a part of who you are and it will be a natural thing for you to live from the source. It, actually, is natural to live that way, all of us just live "unnatural"... We would meet a person who meditates every day, goes to the temple, does yoga, lives mindfully, and we would say " that guy/girl is crazy. What is he/she doing all that for? Why can't she/he just be normal like the rest of us?" The sad fact is that 99% of people truly believes that the way we live our life is the right way. The normal way. The only way. And then we would all say:" Well, life is hard. Lots of ups and downs. Life is a bitch...." No its not. There is nothing bad or hard about it. There is nothing extraordinary about it, either. Its just life.... And if one can see it as just life, nothing hard or even great, then, and only then, the life will become extraordinary.... Then even going to the bathroom will be extraordinary...
Record breaking day... After today I will have something to be proud of. This will mark the longest time I was able to overcome my cravings in last few years. Also, after my class today, this will be the longest Yoga streak ever in my life. I have never taken 5 classes in a row, without a break. So, yes I know, being proud is a false thing and one should not cherish it, but I will allow myself to feel good, and be proud, about it. At least for 10 minutes... Ok maybe a little longer... I still have little battles with my mind, but I have to say that they are less frequent. Equal in strength, but less frequent. Still winning, with a smile on my face. Of course, I am still waiting for the grand battle that my mind is preparing. What if that battle never comes? What if this is it, bunch of small battles? Could it be that easy, and we just make it harder than it actually is? I sure hope so, but I doubt it....
2:00 AM
Great class. This time I had great energy before and during class. Really easing through all the postures, connecting with my breath more than usual. Good feeling. Now drop it, and get back to reality.... Lose the good feeling just like you need to lose the bad feeling, if you ever have one. After all its just a feeling....
Fantastic story I heard today during class. One of the best stories I have heard in a while:
"A man was trying to learn how to meditate. So he got the instructions on how to meditate from his teacher and went home to practice. One day he would meditate and the cars would be driving by... So the noise distracted him... Second day he would meditate again, and this time the birds were singing.... He got distracted again... So he went back to his teacher and told him about his troubles. And the teacher said to him : ARE YOU LETTING THEM INSIDE AND THEY BOTHER YOU, OR YOU ARE GOING OUTSIDE BOTHERING THEM......."
What a great story.... No need for explanation... Just pure inspiration....
11:00 AM
Another day gone by... After each day I can feel that I am closer to my source. Source where everything comes from. Source where the answers and questions are. I am nowhere near that source right now, I might never be, but I am closer than I was last Friday. I know that much...
One should always live a life that is close to the source. Always try to remind yourself of it. Hang out with mindful people, read books, do yoga, meditate, spend time at a temple, church, pray, whatever you are into, but just make sure that you are not far away from your true source. Eventually it will become a part of who you are and it will be a natural thing for you to live from the source. It, actually, is natural to live that way, all of us just live "unnatural"... We would meet a person who meditates every day, goes to the temple, does yoga, lives mindfully, and we would say " that guy/girl is crazy. What is he/she doing all that for? Why can't she/he just be normal like the rest of us?" The sad fact is that 99% of people truly believes that the way we live our life is the right way. The normal way. The only way. And then we would all say:" Well, life is hard. Lots of ups and downs. Life is a bitch...." No its not. There is nothing bad or hard about it. There is nothing extraordinary about it, either. Its just life.... And if one can see it as just life, nothing hard or even great, then, and only then, the life will become extraordinary.... Then even going to the bathroom will be extraordinary...
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Day 4
10:00 AM
Feeling good this morning. Lots of energy, I really feel like moving and getting things done. When I woke up this morning, I actually couldn't wait to go to Yoga. Its just that my body wants it somehow I can feel it. And even though I take the class at 12 I have a feeling like my day starts around that time. Maybe I should try and take an earlier class and see how that goes. Thats next week's challenge, to go early... Today will be the 4th day in a row, that is the most Yoga classes I have ever taken without a break. So tomorrow it will be a new personal record. I even had a thought pass through my head a minute ago: "What if I get used to doing Yoga all the time so it becomes a habit...?" Habits are not a good thing... One always tries to get rid of this or that habit. I wouldn't mind having this habit though....
2:00 PM
Energy... Is our energy mind related, or it is an actual power that your body has in a given moment? Do we THINK that we feel full of energy...? Is it in our mind? In our body? Or both.....
This morning I felt great. Really full of energy, I could feel it in my chest. Really. And I couldn't wait to go to my Yoga class. Went to class nice and early, my mind in the right state, ready to rumble. Then the class started, we did our first two warm-up postures and...... I was dead.... No energy at all. Empty tank. I mean I know I was tired and sore, but I had days where I felt terrible prior to class, and then once the class started I would found great energy to get me through. This was the first time I felt great before the class and then just strike out after 10 min. I did finish the class but I struggled through it. Then after the class I wasn't all that tired. Kind of the same like I felt before the class. I actually felt more tired at the beginning of the class, than after the class has ended. That's probably normal, someone will say, but it never happened to me before. Usually when I felt like that in the morning, I would have a great class, just cruising through the postures. So this was quite a surprise. I wonder why is this a good thing.....?
11:00 PM
Who said I can't do this? Look at me know, day 4 is behind me and I'm still going strong. What, I only have 96 days left... Lol. So far I have been able to look at this journey one day at the time. And it's not a big deal when you look at it like that. You just go day by day not really looking ahead. If I can continue in this manner, then this will be a walk in the park. But we all know extremely well that its not going to be that easy. At one point the mind will get his point across and then the fact " I have 96 days left " will hit you like a sledgehammer. That moment is a breaking point. It didn't happen to me yet, but I just can see that its the focal point of the journey. At that point, if one is able to just smile and calmly continue, then there is no limit. You will be able to do it for 1000 years... At that point, TIME, in worldly sense, will just reveal its true nature..... Not real... Non existent...
Feeling good this morning. Lots of energy, I really feel like moving and getting things done. When I woke up this morning, I actually couldn't wait to go to Yoga. Its just that my body wants it somehow I can feel it. And even though I take the class at 12 I have a feeling like my day starts around that time. Maybe I should try and take an earlier class and see how that goes. Thats next week's challenge, to go early... Today will be the 4th day in a row, that is the most Yoga classes I have ever taken without a break. So tomorrow it will be a new personal record. I even had a thought pass through my head a minute ago: "What if I get used to doing Yoga all the time so it becomes a habit...?" Habits are not a good thing... One always tries to get rid of this or that habit. I wouldn't mind having this habit though....
2:00 PM
Energy... Is our energy mind related, or it is an actual power that your body has in a given moment? Do we THINK that we feel full of energy...? Is it in our mind? In our body? Or both.....
This morning I felt great. Really full of energy, I could feel it in my chest. Really. And I couldn't wait to go to my Yoga class. Went to class nice and early, my mind in the right state, ready to rumble. Then the class started, we did our first two warm-up postures and...... I was dead.... No energy at all. Empty tank. I mean I know I was tired and sore, but I had days where I felt terrible prior to class, and then once the class started I would found great energy to get me through. This was the first time I felt great before the class and then just strike out after 10 min. I did finish the class but I struggled through it. Then after the class I wasn't all that tired. Kind of the same like I felt before the class. I actually felt more tired at the beginning of the class, than after the class has ended. That's probably normal, someone will say, but it never happened to me before. Usually when I felt like that in the morning, I would have a great class, just cruising through the postures. So this was quite a surprise. I wonder why is this a good thing.....?
11:00 PM
Who said I can't do this? Look at me know, day 4 is behind me and I'm still going strong. What, I only have 96 days left... Lol. So far I have been able to look at this journey one day at the time. And it's not a big deal when you look at it like that. You just go day by day not really looking ahead. If I can continue in this manner, then this will be a walk in the park. But we all know extremely well that its not going to be that easy. At one point the mind will get his point across and then the fact " I have 96 days left " will hit you like a sledgehammer. That moment is a breaking point. It didn't happen to me yet, but I just can see that its the focal point of the journey. At that point, if one is able to just smile and calmly continue, then there is no limit. You will be able to do it for 1000 years... At that point, TIME, in worldly sense, will just reveal its true nature..... Not real... Non existent...
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Day 3
10:00 AM
Why do people like snow? I sure don't. On the mountain yes I like it too, but in the city there is nothing nice about it. It makes driving harder, gets you dirty all the time, gets your car dirty. I just don't see why do people like it, its not like we are going to go skiing down the street or something. By the way it is snowing outside...
Here I am on my way to day 3. Today I am really sore and a bit tired. I still feel good and my energy levels are high though. And no I am not grumpy, that was just my daily conversation about snow. Snow is my favorite subject. Today my day is a little easier. I just have a Yoga class no afternoon workout in the gym. So its going to be easier on my body, I needed that. My mind is pretty quiet this morning. Maybe my mind is tired as well. Its a good feeling when you wake up and there isn't a story waiting for you in your head. So you just wake up and do things. Without having to make yourself do things, just do them one by one, moment by moment... I wonder how long this feeling will last. When will the mind establish itself again...
2:00 PM
Another class in the books. Nothing different than the previous two. I really don't expect to see any real changes in my postures for another week or so. I am just going and doing the postures so whatever happens, happens...
"We cant hear our own noise and sounds we make."
It came to me today after the yoga class. We were in the final relaxation posture, just relaxed on the floor, breathing. Probably the hardest posture for an average human. Being relaxed, not moving. After every class a teacher always says the same thing as she is leaving the room: "Please be mindful of the others on your way out of the room..." And as soon as she leaves it starts. One person is breathing like half dead, another is folding and drying the mat making all kinds of noises, someone else is squeezing the water bottle, door opens and close loudly, keys, towels... Everything but mindful. At times one wants to get up and yell: "Which part of being mindful of the others don't you understand???" And then you think about it. We just don't hear it. Not that we don't care about other people in the room, we just don't hear the sounds we make. We are all so disconnected from ourselves, that while we are still in that room our mind is already out. Once the class is over, our mind is already on the street, in the car, at the office, at home... That's the reason that we do all those things even though we are told to be quiet and mindful. We can't hear it because we are not in that room to hear the noises we make. Our body is, but that's about it. We just don't hear it...
11:00 AM
Day 3... Check. I know I am still at the beginning but I am rolling forward slowly. Constantly fighting little battles and so far I have been winning. At times I do fall under my mind's influence and I think it would be better to go back to "normal" life, but I snap out of it quickly. I wonder how long will the resistance last. When will it just go away and totally surrender, leaving me with just myself. Or whatever is left of it. When you think about it, everyone is in search of this true self. To lose the mind. To live in the present so you can find your real, inner self. Now, what if you actually do lose the mind, and you do find your inner self, but you end up not liking it? You just don't like the inner, true self.... What do you do then? Another 100 days to get the mind back...? That would be something.... Of course impossible... Once you lose the mind and your Ego there is nothing left to ask that question. Do I Like....?
Why do people like snow? I sure don't. On the mountain yes I like it too, but in the city there is nothing nice about it. It makes driving harder, gets you dirty all the time, gets your car dirty. I just don't see why do people like it, its not like we are going to go skiing down the street or something. By the way it is snowing outside...
Here I am on my way to day 3. Today I am really sore and a bit tired. I still feel good and my energy levels are high though. And no I am not grumpy, that was just my daily conversation about snow. Snow is my favorite subject. Today my day is a little easier. I just have a Yoga class no afternoon workout in the gym. So its going to be easier on my body, I needed that. My mind is pretty quiet this morning. Maybe my mind is tired as well. Its a good feeling when you wake up and there isn't a story waiting for you in your head. So you just wake up and do things. Without having to make yourself do things, just do them one by one, moment by moment... I wonder how long this feeling will last. When will the mind establish itself again...
2:00 PM
Another class in the books. Nothing different than the previous two. I really don't expect to see any real changes in my postures for another week or so. I am just going and doing the postures so whatever happens, happens...
"We cant hear our own noise and sounds we make."
It came to me today after the yoga class. We were in the final relaxation posture, just relaxed on the floor, breathing. Probably the hardest posture for an average human. Being relaxed, not moving. After every class a teacher always says the same thing as she is leaving the room: "Please be mindful of the others on your way out of the room..." And as soon as she leaves it starts. One person is breathing like half dead, another is folding and drying the mat making all kinds of noises, someone else is squeezing the water bottle, door opens and close loudly, keys, towels... Everything but mindful. At times one wants to get up and yell: "Which part of being mindful of the others don't you understand???" And then you think about it. We just don't hear it. Not that we don't care about other people in the room, we just don't hear the sounds we make. We are all so disconnected from ourselves, that while we are still in that room our mind is already out. Once the class is over, our mind is already on the street, in the car, at the office, at home... That's the reason that we do all those things even though we are told to be quiet and mindful. We can't hear it because we are not in that room to hear the noises we make. Our body is, but that's about it. We just don't hear it...
11:00 AM
Day 3... Check. I know I am still at the beginning but I am rolling forward slowly. Constantly fighting little battles and so far I have been winning. At times I do fall under my mind's influence and I think it would be better to go back to "normal" life, but I snap out of it quickly. I wonder how long will the resistance last. When will it just go away and totally surrender, leaving me with just myself. Or whatever is left of it. When you think about it, everyone is in search of this true self. To lose the mind. To live in the present so you can find your real, inner self. Now, what if you actually do lose the mind, and you do find your inner self, but you end up not liking it? You just don't like the inner, true self.... What do you do then? Another 100 days to get the mind back...? That would be something.... Of course impossible... Once you lose the mind and your Ego there is nothing left to ask that question. Do I Like....?
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Day 2
10:00 AM
From this point on things will get interesting. Yesterday it was all first, new, and I breezed through it. But these next few days is where the challenge is. At this point the mind will realize that its the same set of yoga postures like yesterday, and the day before. This is the point where he slowly brings out his favorite weapon: "This is boring"...
This morning I still feel good. Little sore, more from a weights workout though, but I am energized and ready to go. Just like yesterday 12 o'clock yoga class. The good news is that my mind gave up on the idea why we should postpone this for some other time, and why this might not be a smart thing to do. So at least I have won one little battle. However, one's mind is like a man or a woman in a relationship: He will let you win the small battles because what he really wants to win is the big one...
2:00 PM
Finished with my second Yoga class. Again felt energized and motivated throughout the whole class. I was a little sore and tight from yesterday, especially my back. For some reason it didn't feel as hot in the studio as it usually is...
"The quality of your life is determined by the questions that you ask..."
Heard that from our yoga teacher today. What a great quote... Right on the spot. If used properly it can penetrate the mind like a sword. Cut off all the thinking and mind scenarios. This quote has been buzzing in my head all day today. Really, what questions do I ask...? Do I even ask them? If so, does my life answer the questions that I ask....?
There is one part of that quote that I have to discuss. "The quality of life". Now how can you possibly determine the quality of anything. What is quality? And how do you perceive something as being higher in quality and something lower in quality? If one perceives something as higher in quality he or she does it through the eyes of their Ego. Unless they understand the higher truth which none of us do. So its what our false "I" thinks is higher or lower in quality... And this "I" is what...?
Still a good quote though...
11:00 PM
Day 2 finished... Good I guess. Just finished a really late workout so I am dead tired now. Had some major craving issues today. My mind was all over the place, screaming from the inside that I need to stop this madness and get back to "normal" life... It almost got me to think that way. Almost... So I won another battle today. A bigger one than yesterday. Like I said before I really feel strong minded for this journey. That has to be a good thing. Has to...
From this point on things will get interesting. Yesterday it was all first, new, and I breezed through it. But these next few days is where the challenge is. At this point the mind will realize that its the same set of yoga postures like yesterday, and the day before. This is the point where he slowly brings out his favorite weapon: "This is boring"...
This morning I still feel good. Little sore, more from a weights workout though, but I am energized and ready to go. Just like yesterday 12 o'clock yoga class. The good news is that my mind gave up on the idea why we should postpone this for some other time, and why this might not be a smart thing to do. So at least I have won one little battle. However, one's mind is like a man or a woman in a relationship: He will let you win the small battles because what he really wants to win is the big one...
2:00 PM
Finished with my second Yoga class. Again felt energized and motivated throughout the whole class. I was a little sore and tight from yesterday, especially my back. For some reason it didn't feel as hot in the studio as it usually is...
"The quality of your life is determined by the questions that you ask..."
Heard that from our yoga teacher today. What a great quote... Right on the spot. If used properly it can penetrate the mind like a sword. Cut off all the thinking and mind scenarios. This quote has been buzzing in my head all day today. Really, what questions do I ask...? Do I even ask them? If so, does my life answer the questions that I ask....?
There is one part of that quote that I have to discuss. "The quality of life". Now how can you possibly determine the quality of anything. What is quality? And how do you perceive something as being higher in quality and something lower in quality? If one perceives something as higher in quality he or she does it through the eyes of their Ego. Unless they understand the higher truth which none of us do. So its what our false "I" thinks is higher or lower in quality... And this "I" is what...?
Still a good quote though...
11:00 PM
Day 2 finished... Good I guess. Just finished a really late workout so I am dead tired now. Had some major craving issues today. My mind was all over the place, screaming from the inside that I need to stop this madness and get back to "normal" life... It almost got me to think that way. Almost... So I won another battle today. A bigger one than yesterday. Like I said before I really feel strong minded for this journey. That has to be a good thing. Has to...
Monday, January 10, 2011
Day 1
10:00 AM
First day is always the easiest. Full of energy, enthusiasm, ready to do everything... Amazing thing is that as soon as I woke up this morning my mind was waiting for me with a story: "I think its better if we start all this tomorrow. I mean I need to organize some things beforehand, I don't think I am ready today. Tomorrow is Buddha's birthday so it would be a perfect day to start. Just make a Day 1 tomorrow...." How many times something like this happens. I know it happened to me many times and one always ends up listening to the mind. After you let your mind lead you, then it will make perfect sense of why it is actually better to do it tomorrow. Every excuse seems legitimate. And then tomorrow turns into next day and eventually you never even start.
However, I am up, and I am going to my 12 o'clock yoga class... Day 1 out of 100...
2:00 PM
One yoga class in the books... 99 more to go... Good, solid class, nothing extraordinary, but it felt good. I almost made it through the entire class without drinking a sip of water. But then again I wasn't sure if one should drink during class or not. So at that moment I felt like my Ego just don't want to drink so I can be different and better than others. Of course I couldn't let my Ego win the race, so I had water. I am going to have to research that, I wonder which way is better, drinking during class, or not...?
I feel good with this cleansing process. My body needs it. And so far today I didn't have any major cravings and crisis. It is the first day, though...
11:00 PM
I made it through Day 1. Did all the things I intended to do today. Yoga, workout, good food, lots of fluids... Still feel pretty strong about the whole journey. Kind of excited too, thats a good sign. Excitement and strong feeling are good weapons against one's mind. And one will need all the weapons. Had a few crisis and battles with the mind, but won them all. He actually didn't put up a strong fight. He never does. Not on the first day...
First day is always the easiest. Full of energy, enthusiasm, ready to do everything... Amazing thing is that as soon as I woke up this morning my mind was waiting for me with a story: "I think its better if we start all this tomorrow. I mean I need to organize some things beforehand, I don't think I am ready today. Tomorrow is Buddha's birthday so it would be a perfect day to start. Just make a Day 1 tomorrow...." How many times something like this happens. I know it happened to me many times and one always ends up listening to the mind. After you let your mind lead you, then it will make perfect sense of why it is actually better to do it tomorrow. Every excuse seems legitimate. And then tomorrow turns into next day and eventually you never even start.
However, I am up, and I am going to my 12 o'clock yoga class... Day 1 out of 100...
2:00 PM
One yoga class in the books... 99 more to go... Good, solid class, nothing extraordinary, but it felt good. I almost made it through the entire class without drinking a sip of water. But then again I wasn't sure if one should drink during class or not. So at that moment I felt like my Ego just don't want to drink so I can be different and better than others. Of course I couldn't let my Ego win the race, so I had water. I am going to have to research that, I wonder which way is better, drinking during class, or not...?
I feel good with this cleansing process. My body needs it. And so far today I didn't have any major cravings and crisis. It is the first day, though...
11:00 PM
I made it through Day 1. Did all the things I intended to do today. Yoga, workout, good food, lots of fluids... Still feel pretty strong about the whole journey. Kind of excited too, thats a good sign. Excitement and strong feeling are good weapons against one's mind. And one will need all the weapons. Had a few crisis and battles with the mind, but won them all. He actually didn't put up a strong fight. He never does. Not on the first day...
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