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Thursday, March 31, 2011

Day 81

10:00 AM


"Enlightenment is like the moon reflected on the water. The moon does not get wet, nor is the water broken. Although its light is wide and great, the moon is reflected even in a puddle an inch wide. The whole moon and the entire sky are reflected in dewdrops on the grass, or even in one drop of water. Enlightenment does not divide you, just as the moon does not break the water. You cannot hinder enlightenment, just as a drop of water does not hinder the moon in the sky. The depth of the drop is the height of the moon. Each reflection, however long or short its duration, manifests the vastness of the dewdrop, and realizes the limitlessness of the moonlight in the sky."


                                                                                             Dogen Zenji


2:00 PM


"The fish trap exists because of the fish.  Once you've gotten the fish you can forget the trap.  The rabbit snare exists because of the rabbit.  Once you've gotten the rabbit, you can forget the snare.  Words exist because of meaning.  Once you've gotten the meaning, you can forget the words.  Where can I find a man who has forgotten words so I can talk with him?"

                                                                                             Chuang Tzu




11:00 PM


"Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it.”


                                                                                            Buddha

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Day 80

10:00 AM                                                                     

"To live in the faith that the whole world is on my side, so long as I am true to the best thats is in me..."

Final step... This is a must have attitude. Everything and everybody is on your side, as long as you want them to be. If you are true to yourself, your real self, if you are strong and brave, then it is all on your side. There is no limit to what you can do... Create your vision, feel it as if its already here, and then just feel good throughout the process. Avoid wondering how you are going to do it, just go step by step. Keep in mind that everything and everybody is on your side, and it will all line up for you. Even the obstacles are on your side, problems you run into are on your side, they are all steps to the top...
Don't think, just keep stepping... Step as high as you want to... Top of the mountain...

2:00 PM

Another great class today. Its that breath again, it has carried me through my last three classes, and they were all great... Lots of energy, somehow I feel like I am at the beginning of the journey. The timing couldn't be better, right in the middle of the last battle with my mind. My mind was just hating yoga, and everything that comes with it, for the past week. My motivation was on the all time low, fatigue... And then I found the breath... The battle gone, energy and motivation in full swing, enjoying every minute of it. All because of the breathing... Nothing else.
Everything is on our side... When you most need it, it will manifest for you. It has to, as long as you are true to your best. The breath was on my side... When I needed it the most...

11:00 PM

80 days... Not a big deal really...

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Day 79

10:00 AM

"To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble..."

Step 10... Simply to be, more or less, perfect. What is being perfect...? It is you... Just be you... 


2:00 PM

"To think well of myself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud words, but in great deeds..."

Eleven... One has to forget the words, most of the time they are empty... The words are just a product of our mind, a product of our small self. As they say in Zen: " As soon as you open your mouth you are wrong..." 
Talk with your actions instead, practice what you preach. Don't talk about the great energy within you, or how you feel this way or that way, or how you did this or that, just be all that... Become the energy itself, let it shine in and around you at all times, influence people around you without ever opening your mouth... Help without even trying to help... Learn to live through your ears, not your mouth... Listen, just listen... Then act...


11:00 PM

I can't stress this enough, I have to talk about it over and over again. The deeper I get into my practice, and into this journey, this feeling becomes stronger and stronger. Life really is a breath... Become aware of your breath, and your life will change completely. One single breath can change everything, it can change your entire yoga class. Your energy, attitude, motivation, changed with just one real breath... It happened to me twice now, I would start the class tired, without much energy, and then after just on or two complete breaths I would feel like climbing a mountain. I hate to use this word, but it is an amazing feeling...
However, you have to really breathe... Breathe so you feel like the inhale will never end, breathe so you can feel the air just filling up your whole body and going into the brain, breathe so you feel like laughing and crying at the same time... Inhale and exhale your entire life in one take... Only then you will feel it...

Monday, March 28, 2011

Day 78

10:00 AM

"To wear a cheerful expression at all times and give a smile to every living creature I meet..."

Step eight... Tough one, really tough. It is easy to wear a smile on your face, to embrace everyone you meet, when it is just for show. Most of us do it all the time, once we get out of the house we put on a face, and we carry it throughout the day. We mastered the art of being fake, the art of playing a role in the society, acting properly, within the norms...
Nevertheless, to genuinely wear a cheerful expression at all times, is a different story. Sometimes, when we have a good day it is possible, but all the time...? Some major practice is needed in order to achieve this state. Ego would have to be at the lowest possible level, our small self almost non-existant. Happiness of others would have to be a corner stone of our life. Only then the smile will be genuine, the smile will be real, full of positive energy that will invigorate all the creatures around us. Only when there is no small self, no ego... Until then, we will continue our role playing, we will continue perfecting our famous fake smile...

2:00 PM

"To give so much time to improving myself that I have no time to criticize others..."

Number 9... I think I like this one the most. We just love to talk about others, to judge, to criticize... We feel bigger, more worthy, if we criticize someone else. Most of the time we do it when that person is not even present. When someone criticize us what is our first reaction...? Do we pause and let it sink in, do we think about it, do we try to see a lesson in the critic...? Of course not. We hit back immediately. "You didn't do it either... How about you, do you do it...?" Those are our favourite lines, full focus on the other person and their flaws. Never even glancing at ourselves, using the critic to improve, to move forward...
By criticizing others, we temporarily turn the attention on the others, and their flaws. As long as the attention is away from us we feel good, we feel worthy, we don't want our flaws out in the open. This is another subconscious reaction. Talking about others is more fun, easier and absolutely painless. Taking about us, on the other hand, brings pain and the truth... We don't want that, our ego doesn't want that, he wants to stay in control.
Focus on the good things in everybody. Focus on yourself, on your path... Breathe... Other people flaws are not really flaws, they are lessons for them as well. They are the keys to their happiness. Criticizing others only strengthens your Ego and your small self. Judging and complaining only makes you walk backwards... Taking huge steps backwards... What you need are baby steps forward...

11:00 PM

One of those "feel like s**t before the class, then end up having a great one" classes... 78th in the books...

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Day 77

10:00 AM

"To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as I am about my own..."

Step six... I like this one, it is a tricky one. With this step one really needs to be honest with himself/herself. In general we tend to be happy when someone close to us succeeds. Someone that we like, someone that we love... Now, if we are truly present, and honest, if we deeply observe ourselves in the moment when we hear about the success of others, you will notice that little voice inside saying: "That's great, good job, I am happy for you, but what about me....? Where is my success...?"
You can't really put it in words, its more like a feeling of happy for a moment, and then, 'what about my and my success' feeling the next moment... It doesn't makes you a bad person, it is just our Ego talking. Our selfishness talking... Another thing deeply rooted within ourselves, a feeling that we can't control. However, being deeply rooted within, doesn't mean you can't get rid of it. By just noticing the inside voice at that moment, paying attention to it, you are rising above your small self and you extract a small piece of that selfishness...
Moment after moment you will peel off the layers of your selfishness, and one day you will genuinely be "as enthusiastic about the success of other as you are about your own..."

2:00 PM

"To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future..."

Seven... Letting go... The hardest thing for people to do. We just can't let go, we constantly think about the past, over and over again. We are smart enough to realize that we made a mistake, we learn from it in some cases, but we can't let it go. It stays in the back of the mind, and when the similar situation arises, it will surface again. We maybe learn from it, but we never make peace with it and forget it...
It has been said thousand times, mistakes are what you need in order to improve. Learning from our mistakes in the past, will define us in the future. The mistakes will help you, no doubt about it, but only if you learn from them, and then throw them away. Learn you lesson and then forget that they ever happened... Let go... If you keep them around they will hinder your achievements in the future. Your vision of the future needs to be clear, without hindrances...
Once you learn your lesson, once you get up and look ahead, there should be only positive things in front of you. Never turn around, keep your eyes and your mind wide open, don't even blink your eyes. Full focus, if you blink, you might miss it...

11:00 PM

77 days... 77 yoga classes in a row... Throw it away...

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Day 76

10:00 AM













2:00 PM












11:00 PM

Read these steps more than any other ones... These step are the only truth... You just have to know how to read it. Otherwise, it seems ridiculous... Blank sheet is what you need. Empty steps... Empty blog...

Friday, March 25, 2011

Day 75

10:00 AM

Before making any other steps towards change, make sure you take the steps from day 74... Those steps are the only real ones. Yes, the blank, empty, no words steps. Those are the most important for each an every one of us. Steps that contain no direction, no words, no intellectual concept. Just empty sheet... Like when we are born, we have an empty sheet in our head, and we fill it out from that point on. This should be our goal, to reverse back and to get a new sheet. This time, we fill it out carefully and mindfully. Step by step we fill it out...
We don't fill it out with books, other people quotes, techniques, experiences, and teachings. Those are the tools that we use to fill the shit with, but they should not be on our sheet. They are not our experiences... To try and become like someone else, or to experience same things that we read in the books, this false practice. Buddha didn't have the books, the teachers... You have your own practice, your own experience, your own blank sheet of paper. Fill it with your experience, don't imitate and follow...

2:00 PM

"To think only of the best, to work only for the best and to expect only the best..."

Step five... You have to have this one. Unless you want your life to be filled with mediocrity, you have to have this step in you. Always shoot for the stars... If you can think it, see it and feel it, you can achieve it. So why not go for the stars...? The only reason why some people reach the top and some don't, is in the people themselves. Its not luck, coincidence, destiny, life... Its the state of mind. If you think of the best, and work for it, there is no limit. You set the limit... However, if you have traces of doubt in you thinking, it will never happen. Having doubt, or fear, only shows that you are not thinking of the best and you don't expect the best. Well, then your results will not be the best. Your life will not be the best... You will not be the best...
People usually say when something doesn't go well: " That's life, what can you do..." No it is not life. Not even close. It is all you...

11:00 PM

Did I mentioned that I hate yoga these days... Yeah, I do... Its that battle again....

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Day 74

10:00 AM














2:00 PM













11:00 PM

Solid class... Better than I thought it would be. Tired...

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Day 73

10:00 AM

  " To make all my friends feel that there is something worthwhile in them..."

This is your step three... The initial thought for most of us will be that we do this step most of the time. " I am good to my friends, I love them..." The thing here is not about love, it is about making them feel worthy all the time. Most of us really try to make our friends feel better when we see that they are suffering. We genuinely want to make them feel better. Thats very noble and compassionate, the only problem is the timing. We do it when we see that they are suffering... We try to help after, we do it late. It is still a great thing to do, but it is late... They are already suffering...
Making people around you feel worthy at all times is the real thing. Before they suffer, before they feel that they need your help. All the time... And the key is to do it without consciously wanting to do it... You should not do it because you are trying to make people around you worthy. You should do it just to do it. Without even thinking and preparing. Just doing it, like a reflex... Raise yourself to a level where this positive energy is all around you at all times, regardless of who is in your surroundings. Have this energy become your shadow... Turn yourself inside out, and become this new energy... Baby steps, of course...

2:00 PM

"To look at the sunny side of everything and make my optimism come true..."

For me this step is the cornerstone of one's life. This is the most important quality to have in life. Full, happy life, no suffering, I think it is impossible to reach. There will always be something, no matter what spiritual level you are on, there will be suffering. Nevertheless, if you have the optimistic nature, if you really look at the sunny side of everything, you will be without suffering in the middle of suffering... An oasis in the middle of the desert...
Yes you will hurt, you will get angry, but you will love, both the anger and the pain. You will see everything as a rainy day, nothing else. The fact that everything will pass, is deeply rooted within you, so rainy days will bring smiles to your face... Of course they will bring smiles, you know what comes after rain. The sun, the rainbow, all the best things... Your rainy days will become sunny rainy days...

11:00 PM

Snow storm all day today... Wind, snow, cold, just terrible. Then you come to the yoga studio, and because of the storm, instead of 50, there was like 10 students. Lovely... You see, there is the sunny side of this snow storm...

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Day 72

10:00 AM

          " To be strong that nothing can disturb my peace of mind..."

You want change, you want happiness...? Here is your first step... There are numerous spiritual practices out there, numerous things you can do in order to change. Zen teachers, life coaches, yoga teachers, priests, monks, all kinds of people who can direct you and help you on your path. You, yourself, want this new life with your whole being, you are open to new things, you are willing to change... So if we have the desire to change, the people to guide us, than we are golden...? Not quite...
There is one thing that can't be overlooked. The most important thing of all, without it, everything will just be a desire and nothing else. You want to swim to the other shore, you can see yourself on the other side, but without this thing, you will never cross the river.... We must have it...

                                    We need strength.....

We can talk about the path all we want to. The various practices, the values, the feelings, emotions, the visions... All of it is great, all possible... However, you are not going anywhere without strength. You really need to be strong, so nothing will disturb your mind. Living with my favourite quote, " it will all pass", finding the pause in the thinking, the space to connect with your true self, becoming the observer, all these things will give you freedom. Yes they will, but you need enormous strength to put it all in practice. One thing is to talk about it, to want it, and totally different thing is to actually live it. In order to live this way, you have to be extremely strong. Your strength will be tested every day, sometimes in very powerful ways, and the only thing that will keep you from falling in tough times is your inner strength...
We all have this strength, deep within us, the trick is finding it. Once you find traces of it, it will only get more and more visible... You will become stronger and stronger... All the way until nothing can disturb your peace of mind...

2:00 PM

Solid class today. Number 72... My knees are good again, by the way. They repair themselves somehow... Forget the knees and they will get better on their own. Forget the self, and you will be better on your own...

11:00 PM

         " Talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person I meet..."

Step two... Always talk in positive manner, no matter what. Regardless of who you are talking to, and what are they saying to you, you keep it positive. Now this is a tough one for an average person...
This one requires major strength, lots of practice and space within our thoughts. That initial reaction, to defend and to attack back, is rooted so deep inside, that it is almost impossible to extract it. This step two, is something we need to work on with all our being. People that we love, people that love us, we can give health and happiness with all our heart. Neutral people, people who don't mean much to us, and who stay out of our way for the most part, we can sometimes give words of health and happiness. Now, the people who do not like us, who attack us, people who we don't like... Yeah, exactly...
It is amazing how easily we loose any sense of self control, once when encounter these people. As soon as they open the dialog in a negative way, we fall for it. Pause in our thoughts, space within our thoughts, the observer, all gone in a second... We lift our guard up, put on the gloves and we are ready to rumble. Ready to throw punches, low or high, just to knock out the "opponent"... Totally unaware of ourselves, unaware of anything really. All we care about is knocking out the "opponent".
You want change...? Drop the gloves, take in all the negativity, observe how it makes you feel, and do nothing. You will feel that beast inside of you fighting to come out, to defend, to attack back... Feel it. Feel it and remember, health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet. Every person...

Monday, March 21, 2011

Day 71

10:00 AM

One thing at the time...Total focus on the moment... This is my focus for the rest of this journey, and the rest of my life... It is the most difficult thing to do, no doubt about it. Just to keep our full attention to whatever we are doing, to maintain that single focus, is almost impossible. No matter how hard you try, after a few moments the thoughts start pouring in, and you loose it.... Bring yourself back, focus again... Then loose it again... It never ends, but thats the beauty of it, you keep trying, over and over again, 10 000 times. After a while, you will notice that you can hold your attention a little longer than before, you can feel the pause in your thinking. At first, the pause is only a few seconds long, but with dedicated practice it gets longer and longer. You feel calm and grounded in those few seconds, your breath is clear, you hear everything better, you smell everything better... By paying close attention, you create space within yourself, your space, a space where the mind is not allowed. In this space, even though it is only a few seconds long,  you get to be you. You get a short glimpse of your true self, a short glimpse of the calm ocean within you. In this space you finally become alive...
Life is so easy if you are able to maintain your focus on the present. Waking up early is easy, all you have to do is focus on you body, your feet out of the bed, on the floor, walking to the bathroom, running water, toothbrush, putting clothes on... Moment after moment... There is no room for the mind. If you are focused like this, your mind has nowhere to enter. The usual morning thought, " I am so tired and sleepy", has nowhere to enter. It is not in your head, so you get up with ease, enjoying the early hour... All our negative emotions cannot be present if we are focused. There is no room for them, all they can do is bounce off the wall of presence within ourselves...

2:00 PM

      " You are never upset because of the reason you think you are..."
                                                                      
                                                                               A Course In Miracles

When you are angry or upset because of some event, some person, or situation, the real reason for it is not the event, the person, or the situation... The real reason is your loss of real perspective, your lack of space within yourself. Not having this space, the pause in our thinking, we are unable to feel our inner self, to see things clearly, to see things without the help of our Ego. When you are aware of yourself, you are also aware of the fact that everything will pass... If you are able to create that pause and space in your thinking, you will look at things differently. You will become the observer of your own thoughts and emotions. Not the victim of your mind, not in control of it, but observing it. Calmly breathing, smiling and observing... Feeling that calm ocean within yourself, you will be able to face any situation, or person, with an inner smile, no matter how bad it is... Deep down you know, the same situation, the same person that upsets you, is a tool for you to grow, to evolve... You will actually embrace them and be thankful for their presence, regardless of how much they hurt you...
However, this can only be done if you are present, if you are living in that space... This type of reaction, or non-reaction, can only happen from the bottom of our inner ocean... It will never happen on the surface, only on the bottom... Find your space, find your inner ocean... Live...

11:00 PM

Excellent class...

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Day 69

This too, will pass... I don't think there is anything else for me to blog about... Really...

Friday, March 18, 2011

Day 68

10:00 AM

Fantastic story... Story that gives an answer to all our troubles...


According to an ancient Sufi story, there lived a king in some Middle Eastern land who was continuously torn between happiness and despondency. The slightest thing would cause him great upset and provoke an intense reaction, and his happiness would quickly turn into disappointment and despair. A time came when the king finally got tired of himself and of life, and he began to seek a way out. He sent for a wise man who lived in his kingdom and who was reputed to be enlightened.  When the wise man came, the king said to him, “I wan to be like you. Can you give me something that will bring balance, serenity, and wisdom into my life?  I will pay any price you ask.”
The wise man said, “I may be able to help you. But the price is so great that your entire kingdom would not be sufficient payment for it. Therefore it will be a gift to you if you will honor it.” The king gave his assurances, and the wise man left.
A few weeks later, he returned and handed the kin an ornate box carved in jade. The king opened the box and found a simple gold ring inside.  Some letters were inscribed on the ring. The inscription read: THIS, TOO, WILL PASS...  “What is the meaning of this?” asked the king.  The wise man said, “Wear this ring always. Whatever happens, before you call it good or bad, touch this ring and read the inscription. That way, you will always be at peace.”


It will pass... Everything will pass...


2:00 PM

It is amazing how things just roll into one's life, as long as she/he is on the frequency to receive them. Like this story rolled into mine... Left me speechless, it seemed as though I found the answer I was maybe looking for. All I could do is just stare at the words... 
This, too will pass... This very thought separates you from your mind and your attachment to everything around. This is the thought that set you free. Regardless of what happens, regardless of the pain, suffering, it will all pass. Nothing lasts forever, everything is constantly changing, everything passes... You just have to be patient... Aware and patient. Aware of these simple words. It will all pass...
The wise man said, “Wear this ring always. Whatever happens, before you call it good or bad, touch this ring and read the inscription..." This is the key... Read the inscription BEFORE something happens. Before we label it good or bad, left or right, joy or suffering, keep in mind that it will pass... If you can truly live these wise words, your inner peace will be ever present. You will enjoy everything in your life more, you will not take anything for granted, because you know it will pass. Suffering will not affect you anymore, because you know it will pass. No matter what kind of storm is on the surface, you will be calm inside. You will really become like an ocean... You will look at everything, and everybody, in life with a smile...

11:00 PM

68 days on the same railway track... I am enjoying every minute of it. "It will all pass" still echoes in my head... Fantastic...




Thursday, March 17, 2011

Day 67

10:00 AM

"Although you eliminated your old cravings sounds like you've already developed new ones... Try not to crave projections of what you think the future holds... This journey will end of course, as all things do, but there's no reason to crave or resist... Enjoy day 67 and forget about what has come and what will..."


Interesting comment by my anonymous friend. Very well said... However, in this case, I think she/he misunderstood my last post. I eliminated my old cravings, but it seems like I developed new ones...? It seems like we are talking about yoga and the journey as a craving here. Now, if yoga and this journey become my cravings, comparing it to the old ones I had, I am golden... But that's not the point, nor the case here. I did say that I am going to miss this journey once it ends. I am going to miss it, but I don't care about it. Like I said I don't care about yoga... This journey, this power of 100, is not about yoga. It is a 100 day yoga retreat, but its not about yoga at all. It is not about the journey either... Both are not important at all, but at the same time they are. 
I love yoga practice, its terrific, but I can easily go without taking another yoga class to the rest of my life. My journey is not about yoga, not about the journey... It is about the railway track...
When you are in the train, if you look outside the scenery is constantly changing. Every time we look outside of our train, there is something different out there. Always changing... Nevertheless, if we look down in front of the train, all we see is the railway track. It is always the same, the same width, same shape, never change... If the track becomes wider or narrower at some point, our train is headed for a disaster. We never look at the railway track, but it is the most important part of our train ride. It keeps us going, and gets us to where we are headed. Never changes... It keeps repeating over and over... 
REPETITION... This is what this journey is all about, repetition. Only through repetition, one can achieve higher things. It doesn't matter that I am doing yoga every day, it could have been 100 days of walking, 100 days of sitting in the chair, 100 days of bowing... What matters is the repetition, constant tuning of our engine. Taking control of your life, controlling the mind, eliminating cravings, it is all accomplished through repetition. What actual practice we are using is less important. The scenery outside our train window can be anything, as long as the railway track is there...


2:00 PM


Interesting class today. On my way to the studio I was ready to roll, full of energy. Then, as soon as I walked into the studio it was all gone. I didn't want to be there, had no energy and desire for the class. Despite the feeling, I was on the mat at 9.30, not ready to go, sore from the day before, but still going. Breathing, focusing, stretching, balancing... One side of my mind was screaming: " This is such a waste of time, my effort is garbage..." At the same time, the other side of the mind was just whispering: "It is just fine, your postures and effort are no different than yesterday..." The debate went on for the majority of the class, and on the end when I looked back I did well. I struggled through it, my mind didn't want to be there, but I danced through it with my head up....
The scenery was terrible in the studio today, but the railway track was ever present. I was able to ignore my surroundings, keep my eyes off the windows, and solely focus on the tracks under me. The railway track is the only thing that matters... The only real thing on this journey... 


11:00 PM


"Enjoy day 67 and forget about what has come and what will..." That's exactly right my anonymous friend... That's exactly what needs to be done, day in and day out... Thank you

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Day 66

10:00 AM

Cravings... When I started on this journey I had all these cravings which were impossible for me to eliminate. I tried so many times and failed, just like most people do. Starting the journey, my main concern was if I was going to be able to eliminate my cravings. Sometimes I felt the whole challenge was towards that. It just seemed too hard, impossible to get rid of...
Day 66... I never even think about the cravings anymore. It has been like that for a long time, I really feel like I never had any of them to begin with. I think I didn't mention it in this blog for over month now?!? I won a few small battles at the beginning, then a big one, and after that it was all a walk in the park. It was that easy...
It is always that easy, everything is easy... You can do anything you want easy... But you have to have your mind set and your true self leading the way. Your attitude is everything. If you are determined, deep down determined, you can do it all. The road will be rocky, you will get bumped around, but on the end you will accomplish everything. Only if your attitude is right, if your mind is set... Only if, as they like to say it in my yoga studio, you have English Bulldog determination...

2:00 PM

Good class today. I was extremely tired and sore before the class, but felt excellent after it. Posture by posture, my body was opening up, and my energy levels were rising. At the end of the class, there was no trace of the soreness or fatigue. The day itself started sleepy and tired, and by noon it became energized and alert... You just have to love yoga... I do... Even though I don't care about it, I love it...
It is a weird connection that I have with Yoga. I see that some people really care about it, they care about their postures, improvement, they ask questions on how to get better. I don't... The only time I would ask something is if I am in pain. I am not really interested in getting my postures perfect, improving the strength or flexibility. All I care for is the mind... And this is the main reason why, even though I don't care about yoga, I love it. It is a phenomenal mind practice, you get to see your mind, and his control over you, from all the angles. You really do learn a lot about yourself in that room... Your patience, inner strength, perseverance, determination, attitude, control, they all get tested for 90 minutes... Every day... What are you made of...? Go to Yoga and you will find out...
Like I said you don't have to really care about it, but you have to love it...

11:00 PM

66 days... I only have another month to go. I am going to miss this journey...

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Day 65

"I really want to improve, to change..."
"I want to live with my whole being, to stay connected with my true self, to live  in the present moment..."
"I want to be HAPPY..."

"I just don't know how..."

Here is how...

Promise yourself,

To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace.
To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet.
To make all your friends feel that there is something worthwhile in them.
To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.
To think only of the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.
To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful expression at all times and give a smile to every living creature you meet.
To give so much time to improving yourself that you have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.
To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud words, but in great deeds.
To live in faith that the whole world is on your side, as long as you are true to the best that is in you.


Christian D. Larson



Plain and simple... Do it all the time and you will have it all...


Monday, March 14, 2011

Day 64

10:00 AM

People change... Everybody can change if they want to. The famous line " That's just me, there is nothing I can do about it, I can't change", has never been true. That's just an excuse that we use... Everybody and everything changes... Nothing stays the same. The question is do we want to change...? Are we strong enough to resist our mind in order to change...? How bad do we want it...?
Look in the mirror... Take a deep look into your own eyes... Then, grab a lipstick, and on the right side of the mirror write all the positive things that you have in your life. All of it... On the left side write all the negative things in your life. Be honest with yourself, write everything down... Then, back up and take a look at the mirror. Is the list on the left side longer....? The list on the right side is not long enough...? If so, you know what to do. There is your motivation...
Wake up in the morning and start changing. At the beginning you will not know how to go about it. What to do in order to change. It doesn't matter, just male up your mind that you are going down the path... Then the path, the things you need to do, will come on their own. All you have to do is wake up, and get out of bed....

2:00 PM

Many of us genuinely want to change, to improve, to breathe with full lungs... We are willing to take all the necessary steps. The problem is we don't last long, we fail pretty quickly, and then drop back into our old life... Why do we fail...? We fail because we want the change to be rapid, we want it to be visible from the very beginning. We don't like baby steps, patience is a foreign word for most of us... Like taking a shower, we want to go from dry to wet in a matter of seconds. Instant... Instant success, instant food, instant change, in today's world, the word patience has been substituted with instant...
However, if you want to experience change you have to walk in the fog. Walk for a long time, and slowly, slowly get wet. It takes a long time to go from dry to wet when walking in the fog... It also takes a long time to dry off once getting wet... Patience needs to become the main word in our life. Just walk, nice and slow. Don't look forward, don't look back, just walk and feel the fog... Cultivate the vision in your head, the vision of a mirror with the list only on the right side. Empty space on the left... Love your new self before it even becomes new... And don't forget to breathe...

11:00 PM

Good day... Good class... Good life... Good 64....

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Day 63

I have changed... I realized it today, my journey changed me... People ask me all the time if I feel some changes, and all I would say is that I don't know. Really, I didn't know...
After today, I know that I did change. I have changed in a big way... Huge step forward...
There is true power in the Power Of 100... It is the best thing I have done in my entire life... Thank you...

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Day 62

10:00 AM

Practice, practice, practice... We should always practice. Not only in the yoga studio, or on the cushion, we should treat everything as practice. The biggest mistake we make is that we think that some things are important and some are just ordinary. Yoga, Zen, meditation, prayer, and other practices, are very important to us, in some cases essential. Washing dishes, cooking, cleaning, driving, are mostly boring, we can't wait to get them done. However, if our practice is pure, if there is no dualistic ideas, there is no difference between meditation and cooking, both are deep spiritual practice...
We should treat every action as practice. From the moment we wake, until the moment we fall asleep, we are practicing. Devote our full attention to everything, every little action... If cooking, just cook... Leave your mind outside the kitchen and devote yourself entirely to cooking. Put your heart into it, don't cook just to have food on the table. Just as you follow your breath while doing yoga or meditation, follow your hand while cutting vegetables. Running water, oil in the pan, vegetables cooking, hear it all, smell it all...  Love what you are doing, every moment of it. Know that those onions and carrots have the power to lead you to enlightenment... Buddha nature is in every onion, every carrot...

2:00 PM

There is a famous Zen saying: " In everything that you do, you should burn like a good bonfire, all the way, so only ashes remain..."
If you do things with this attitude you will never have a problem. Everything you do, moment to moment, you do it with 100% attention. Leave no traces... All out...
The problem is that most of us like to do two, sometimes three, things at the same time. We can't just concentrate on one thing, especially if its something "ordinary". So we eat and read, drive and talk on the phone, watch TV and brush our teeth... It is too boring to do one thing at the time. "I brush my teeth all the time, its boring to focus on it every day..." Sitting on the meditation cushion, looking at the floor, that is not boring...? What is boring anyway...? It is you being a slave to your mind... No control...
Nevertheless, if you burn like a good bonfire in everything you do, there is no room for boring. There is only room for 100% effort. The mind will not have a door to enter and try to control you. You are burning fully, no traces left behind, no doors open... Total control...
You want enlightenment...? You want to be the master, want to be in the driver seat...? Go brush your teeth...

11:00 PM

Good bonfire in the yoga studio today...

Friday, March 11, 2011

Day 61

10:00 AM

In Zen Buddhism teachings, it is said that there are 4 different types of horses:

1. Excellent Ones
2. Good Ones
3. Poor Ones
4. Bad Ones

Excellent horse will run slow and fast, right and left, at the drivers will, before it sees the shadow of the whip...
The good horse will run as well as the excellent does, just before the whip reaches its skin...
The poor horse will run when it feels the pain on its body...
The bad horse will run after the pain penetrates to the marrow of its bones...

                                                              Shunryui Suzuki, Begginer's Mind


There it is... Thats us, humans... We all fit in one of those four categories, unfortunately most of us fall under the last two. Poor and bad horses... Both have to endure so much pain in order to learn how to run. Both have to suffer greatly, to realize their true nature and true meaning of life...
We just have to be hit hard in order to realize that the way we live is not life. Only a strong pain, the type of pain that penetrates to the marrow of our bones, will wake us up... The truth is that we don't even think about life on a deeper level, until the whip reaches our skin. We feel good, things are going good, who cares about the true self... Then the whip strikes and we realize the truth... We are on the bottom...
Why can't we embark on the path while feeling great, before the suffering starts...? Why something bad has to happen, in order for us to look in the mirror and decide to change...? Why...?
Simple... We are bad horses...


2:00 PM

When we hear this Zen story, automatically we want to be the excellent horse. If not the excellent one, than at least the good one.  This is the usual understanding of this story, and spiritual practice in general. We do it all to become excellent horses...
However, if you are on the spiritual path, it does not matter which horse are you. All the horses are good. If your practice is pure, you will find that the most valuable horse is the bad one. Your imperfections are actually perfect tools to find the way... Your struggle throughout the journey is the fuel that pushes you forward. Those who struggle greatly, will find a deeper meaning of the spiritual path. Those who have reached the bottom have a better chance of experiencing the truth self, just because they are at the bottom. Defeated. Open to everything... When everything is going well, we are not really open to new things, new practices. We don't want to change, why should we, its going well...
Sometimes the best horse can be the worse horse, and the bad horse can be the best one... In reality, there is no good or bad horses... There is only the path... The path, and the question: " Are you on it or not...?"


11:00 PM

Great class today... Focus, energy, effort... Breath...

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Day 60

10:00 AM

Day 60... Total body transformation, as well as the spirit, according to yoga teachers. Of course, that is the first question everyone will ask me: "How is it after 60 days, is it really life changing...?" No it is not. At the same time, yes it is...
Everyone always want a drastic change. We want a change that is visible from a mile away. If we think that a change like that is possible, then we embark on the journey. Anything less we don't think its worth it. So when someone says that 60 days of yoga will transform your body and spirit, we automatically think that the transformation will be visible from a mile away. The changes we look for, the drastic changes, they only happen in the outside world. Buy a new big house, a new car, change your appearance, loose a lot of weight... Drastic changes, on the outside... Can you call any of these a transformation...?
In the world within changes occur a lot slower. Most of the time it feels like we are not moving at all, like there is no change. It can take a few life times to achieve inner transformation. Small baby steps, small baby changes... The transformation are so small that you don't even notice. You would notice, if your mind was quiet... Nevertheless, those small tiny changes have a bigger effect on your life than any house, car or weight loss. One is more tolerant, just a little bit more... Things that used to bother you, are not all that important now. Things you say are just a little more mindful, your actions are more mindful. Your lifestyle is just a bit healthier, discipline a bit stronger, breath a bit longer... Small changes, hardly visible if your mind is in control... But, they are CHANGES... And they are transforming your life as we speak...

2:00 PM

Pull out your weeds... We all have weeds inside. We have beautiful plants, flowers, but we also have weeds. In order to get closer to our true self, in order to be in the driver seat, we need to pull the weeds out. Once they are gone, it is all flowers... However, once you pull them out, do not throw them away, don't just get rid of them. We need those weeds more than we need flowers. Keep them close to you, take care of them like a mother takes care of her newborn. The weeds are your ticket to enlightenment. Flowers are nice, they feel good, but they don't really get you anywhere. Of course, they give you more flowers in life, but they don't really point you in the right direction. Weeds pave the road for you, they are your true mirror, a mirror that you can't escape from. You can try to forget about it, to push it deep inside, but we all know it will never go away. It will stay buried, dormant, until the next time we get into the same situation. And then it will spring up with full force... Can't escape the mirror...
If you take time and embrace your weeds, look into them deeply, transformation is happening. You are taking those little baby steps forward, those baby changes are happening... Once you contemplate and analyze your weeds, learn from them, then they will dry out, and you can throw them away. They served their higher purpose... They served YOU...

11:00 PM

60 days completed... I am a new man from now on... I should change my name and everything. Total transformation, body and mind... Right, if it was only that easy... I know one thing though, I am making those baby steps... Baby changes...




Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Day 59

10:00 AM



.........................?










2:00 PM



..........................!





11:00 PM

Changed body tomorrow...

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Day 58

10:00 AM

"I just don't want to argue. I don't want to suffer. I don't want to be unhappy..." Most of us talk and think like this. We have a clear picture of what we want and what we don't want. However, we still get all those things that we don't want...
Frequency... Frequency is the key. I talked about this before, but I should be talking about it every day. This is the most important understanding in life. You invite everything into your life, the good and the bad. For me, frequency is the corner stone of my life. Maybe even more important than the breath itself. Yes, you can't live without the breath, but what is life if you constantly live on the wrong frequency. You never really experience life in its true sense, a beautiful thing full of joy and happiness...
" I don't want to argue..." We say it, we think it, we send it to the universe... And the universe responds, every single time, no mistake. So why do we still argue..? The trick is how our thought gets transmitted to the universe. There is no "I Don't" in the universe. That part of the sentence is not transmitted. The only part that the universe hears is the second part, the actual object of the thought. The only thing that gets into the universe is "argue"... And the universe responds, every single time, no mistake. You get more "argue"...

2:00 PM

We tend to ask ourselves if that frequency thing really works. Most of us will say that it can't be just that simple. I have a strong, constant, clear vision and it will manifest in life... As long as I position myself into the right direction, and loose all doubt, my visions will come true... Can't be that simple.
It is... There is nothing complicated about the whole thing. If you don't believe in it from a positive side, you can look at it from the negative side, and see that it is absolutely true. If one talks about being sick and hurt all the time, he/she is sick all the time. If one saves money all the time, talks about not having enough money, she/he is always in financial troubles. If one doesn't want to argue, talks about it constantly, he/she will be drawn into arguments all the time...
It has to be like this, because when you think and talk in this manner, you are on negative frequency. You are living in the dark world, and the only thing you will get is more darkness. There is no light in the dark world. There is no room within yourself for the positive things. You are not ready to accept them, the doors and windows of your house are shut. Your house is full, no room the breathe...
Having a full house is not a bad thing. The only question is what do you fill it with. Instead of filling it with negative thoughts and actions, fill it with positive ones... Tune yourself to the higher frequency... Make a lighthouse...

11:00 PM

A good class in the middle of the battle. Felt like crap before the class, but had a really good practice. Two more days before my body "changes"... Number 58 down the drain...

Monday, March 7, 2011

Day 57

10:00 AM

The battle is on again... My penthouse tenant was quiet for a while and the days were just rolling. All 55 of them... Nevertheless, my mind is in a full swing now. Last two days I literally had to force myself to go to class. I can hear it in my head:" F...k I have to go to class again..." Just getting up and going to class is not happening right now. During the class it is a struggle as well. I have to really push myself in order to be fully present, and to give my best effort. My mind is all over the place, and before I know it I slip into the thinking zone and my effort is pathetic... Very overwhelming feeling, even though I know the true nature of it, it is very hard not to fall under the words:  " This is soooo boring..."
However, I am still standing. I am taking heavy hits, but I am still standing. This is the last battle, I can feel it. Recognizing the fact that the mind is trying to regain full control is crucial. You shine the light of awareness on it and the mind gets weaker. Darkness is what the mind wants, it strives when there is no light, no awareness. Then it has full control. Knowing that the battle is on, I have the upper hand. I am able to take all the mind tricks, and still do what I set out to do. I will win this battle as well... It will be a long one, though... Maybe even to the last day...

2:00 PM

Again a difficult class... My knees are hurting, not as bad as before, but still hurting. Very easy for the mind to use the knees as an excuse, and skip some postures. So far I have been in control during the class. I still do everything, but at times my effort fades. I am 3 days away from my 60th class, and I don't feel any of the Bikram's "your body will change" crap... To be honest my body feels worse. My mental state is on a lot higher level, my discipline is full strength, energy always present, but my body sure does not feel changed. Maybe to the worse... Yet, deep down inside there is this little voice telling me that my body will change. Actually, that my body is changed now, and I just don't see it. I haven't had a day off in two months now, so there was no time for my body to relax. I have a feeling that once I complete my journey, and rest for a few days, my body will realign itself and come to life, like a dessert after rain. I can just feel it... I still believe that Bikram's "total body change" crap is not crap after all. Maybe I am wrong. Time will tell...

11:00 PM

Day 57... Solid...

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Day 56

10:00 AM

Looooong day today... Really long... Too tired to blog... Honestly...

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Day 55

10:00 AM

What seeds do you water...? We are like soil, all kinds of different seeds planted deep inside. The seeds are deeply rooted inside, we can't get rid of them. Regardless of how strong and dedicated your practice is, you can't remove the seeds. And every single one of us has them all planted. Seeds of love, mindfulness, kindness, compassion, peace... We have them all. At the same time, we have seeds of anger, violence, hatred, envy... Both are present, it is up to us which ones will come up on the surface. Every day we water different seeds. We are not aware of it, but we do...
One should pay close attention to the seeds within. What seeds am I watering right now...? Always ask this questions, let it become your mantra. Remeber, whichever you water on a daily bases, they will manifest in your life. It is that simple, you water love, peace and compassion, that's what your life will be. If you water anger, hatred and violence, you life will be just that...
You have a pitcher of water with you all the time. Where does it go...? Pay attention...

2:00 PM

Whenever you pay attention, when you are aware, you swim in the present. You are open to life, and you're connected with true self. At that moment you actually have the ability to fix the past, the pain, and the problems from the past. Even though it is in the past, it already happened, you can fix some of it. Being in the present moment you can realize the mistakes you made, the people you hurt, and look deeply into them. Looking deeply you will feel the mistakes you made and fix them, you will heal the people that you hurt. You can do it all. Only in the present moment...
Same stands for the future. Living deeply in the present moment, you are above all the problems. You see it all, you have compassion for everybody, but you are  above it all. In the present moment you can only feel true joy and happiness, the word problem does not exist in the present. When you breathe mindfully, you get all the benefits from the universe. Energy, focus, love, compassion all reside in the present moment. Thus, if one is in the present,, that will only bring more love, energy, compassion in your life. You will attract it all. You will be watering those seeds every day. Your future is bright all because of the present...

11:00 PM

My left knee is killing me... Have no clue why... 55th class.... Good night

Friday, March 4, 2011

Day 54

10:00 AM

Are you sure...? A question we should always ask ourselves, and we never do. We perceive things all the time, and we trust our perceptions fully. Then we react one way or the other... However, we never really stop for a second, look deep inside, and ask ourselves:"Am I sure about that.." Is this the actual truth, is this person really like that...? What is really going on...? We never look into it. We just look at the situation, people, events, make our perception about it and go from there. Most of the time our perception is totally wrong, and by the time we realize that, it is already too late. Then we feel bad about it...
Now, do we learn from it and make sure it doesn't happen again...? Of course not, we do the exact same thing over and over again. Constantly make wrong assumptions about people, see hidden agendas in people, misjudge the situations... Every day same story. It is rooted so deep inside of us, we don't even notice that we make these perceptions. On top of all, we don't think we are wrong, we actually think we know what we're doing. Hey, we know... Usually it is all followed by that famous line:" I know exactly what he/she wants to do... You can't fool me..." Can't fool you... Really...? You have been fooled from the very beginning...

2:00 PM

Understand...? Do you understand...? A person, your friend, lover, boss, total stranger. Do you...? Look within, and try to feel an answer to this question. Don't think it, feel it. You have to try to feel it, and most of all you have to try to understand. I mean, you don't have to understand, you can just have a life without love. Because that is what you get if you don't understand, or at least try to understand. Understanding and love are the exact same thing. If you don't understand you can't love. You think that you love her, but if you don't understand him, you are only fooling yourself and everyone around you. Feel the person, experience her/him, connect with the other. Stay quiet, listen and connect. Contemplate on the life of the person that is standing in front of you; the hard times, the suffering he/she had in her life. Realize that no matter how bad they can be, all they are doing is trying to be happy in their own way. Throw away you ego, your pride and macho attitude, and open your heart. Let the the others in, embrace them with open arms. And listen... Understand... Love...

11:00 PM

54th class, in the past... Never happened. If feel and I feel... The day was just it, a day... After 54 classes I feel exactly like after 54 classes. Throw it all out. Empty you cup... Come back to the empty sheet in your head. Get that beginners mind...

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Day 53

10:00 AM

Sometimes I wonder why is it that we always wish to have a good day. We say it to each other, our emails, voice mails, all end with the 'have a good day'. Why...? Why would you always want to have a good day, it is perfectly fine to have some bad days too. Bad days are actually more valuable than good days. A good day, of course, feels better, but a bad day has more value. It sounds weird, but actually a bad day helps you more. Naturally, it only helps if you are able to see the truth in it, the real reason behind it, and if you are able to experience it fully. If not, it can ruin your life...
Bad day wakes you up. When our ego takes control, and we fall asleep while fully awake, a day like that shakes our entire being. We quickly realize who we really are, and how far we are from our destination. We realize how hard we actually have to work in order to have the privilege of the constant good days. It really is like a wake up call... We need those bad days...
In reality, we couldn't even have a good day if it wasn't for the bad one. We wouldn't have nothing to compare it to, and then label it as a good or bad. On top of it, a really bad day, a day where everything goes wrong, makes the next day the best ever. Even if the next day is just average, having that terrible day before, makes it wonderful. You are aware of how bad it was the day before, you remember the ugly taste in your mouth, and your focus is through the roof in order to make today better. That is all it takes, the right intention and focus. Once your intention is right, everything else falls in place. Right intention will then bring the right view, right view will bring right speech, right speech - right mindfulness... Before you know it you are walking the eightfold path... Ending your suffering...

2:00 PM

Now thats how you breathe!!! A good class, again with the help of my terrible class from yesterday. Couldn't do it without my terrible friend. I walked into the yoga room determined to get the best out of me. All out effort inside and out. For the most part I did, and it was great, of course. Again, maybe it was an average class, but coming from the one I had yesterday, it was special. Breathing being the key, as always. It really changes the entire class, just the simple task of following your breath, However, it is the hardest thing to do for 90 minutes. Before you know it, the mind is somewhere else, and you find yourself following the thoughts instead of your breathing... Then you try again and you come back to the breath. Over and over, it never stops, always trying. 10,000 times...

11:00 PM

Bikram says that if you do 60 Bikram yoga classes in a row, your body will completely change. Well, I am on my 53rd day and I don't feel much different than I felt 53 days ago. The tricky part is that I don't remember how I felt two months ago. I don't remember what my practice looked like back then. Did my body change, did it open up...? Did my mental state change, did it open up...?

                            " Doooooooooont knooooooooooooow..."

I am that much different, that much improved as a being... A full "don't know" different... A full "don't know" improved...

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Day 52

10:00 AM

If you are not able to breathe what is the point...? If you are aware of your breath, you are alive... If you are not fully aware, if you can't follow it in and out of your body, than you are not living... You look like you are living, but you're not. So how can one talk about anything, blog about anything, if he/she is not breathing...? How can you blog when you are not here and alive... You can't... There is no point...

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Day 51

10:00 AM

Waking up before sunrise. Way before the sunrise... There is something powerful in that. Not only the fact that we are more productive, more energized and disciplined, it just feels right. The absence of sounds and light, gives a unique feeling... You can actually hear and see your inner self much easier than during the day. You really feel like there is nothing, and nobody, else out there... Lots of us wake up early for different reasons. We go to work, we have babies, go to school, etc... How many of us actually wake up before sunrise just to be awake...? To sit on the floor...? To breathe... Not very many. Whenever I ask someone why not wake up early, the answer is usually " Why would I do that for...? There is nothing to do at 6 in the morning..."
Exactly... Nothing to do. However, there is one thing you can do. Nothing... Whenever you feel like there is nothing to do, do just that, nothing. Try to do nothing for a change and see where it takes you. Be with yourself, be present and do nothing. We have too much "something" in our lives. We need more of nothing...

2:00 PM

Water and air... This is what one really needs. Not houses, cars, money, wife, husband... Just water and air... I mean if you can have all those material things, by all means have them. Use your potential and make millions if you can. Why not, if you have the ability, do it... Nevertheless, if you don't have all of them, don't kill yourself about it. Don't feel unfulfilled because you don't have the money, the cars, the houses... Having them or not, in reality is the same thing. Your true self doesn't even know about material world. Doesn't really care... You have a big house, great cars, wife, husband, family, wealth, that's great. Good for you, keep it going. You don't have any of it, also great. Good for you, keep it going. No problem...
Once you find yourself in a heated yoga room, you will quickly realize things that you really need. Water and air... Every time a teacher opens the door of the yoga room, to cool the room down, the fresh air rushes in covering your whole body like an ocean. The air feels like the best thing you have ever experienced. It gives you instant, new power. In a second or two, you feel so energized, that you could do another class. The fresh air fills every part of your body, and gives you the feeling that thousand cars and houses couldn't give... The same is with water. Every time you drink, new energy rushes in. The water fuels your body and you brain as well. It tastes better than anything you have ever tasted before...
You need air and water. If you don't have it, then you have a problem. That is the real problem. They refresh your body, sharpen your focus, your determination. They give you life... Life is what you need...

11:00 PM

Learned a lot today... In all areas of life. I made a step forward, and not a small one. I can feel it... And it is only the beginning...