Day 50

10:00 AM

Half way on my journey... 50 days in a row... A friend told me the other day that its not even a challenge anymore. Its like a routine now. I would agree that its not a challenge anymore, however, it is definitely not a routine. Even though at times it is still a battle with my mind, it is more a part of me now, a part of my life. Every class I feel more determined,  more inspired to swim forward. To swim in the unknown waters, without knowing what is on the other side of the shore...
I can feel my Ego getting weaker. It is still strong as a rock, but I can feel it chipping away slowly. I feel good, my discipline is back in full swing, my pride is also weakening. Pride... That is the worse thing one can have. Unfortunately, we all have it, we have tons of it. It is probably one of the main reasons for human suffering. Not willing to change, not willing to listen to someone else, and admit that you are wrong. Too proud to open yourself to your loved ones when you are suffering. To proud to say whatever is in your heart, to share that pain, just as we share the joy. As Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh said, it is too hard for us to say:

                               "Darling, I am suffering. Please help..."

Most of us can't say something like this. We think it makes us weak, our pride is too strong to show that we can feel pain. So we lock ourselves in the room, think, cry, suffer... Never show that we are suffering. We might even know that talking to someone will help, but we still would never do it. We have a role to play, a tough person, disciplined, proud... We can't just change that only because we are suffering... A couple gets into an argument, egos clash, nobody can be a winner. There is never a winner... Then both sides shut down. If I can't win then I am not going to talk at all. So they don't talk to each other. For a day, a week... They both want to talk, they feel it in their chest that they want to talk, but the pride is there. I am not going to be the one that will start talking first... I am not going to be the one that is going to call first... No winners, just losers...
If pride is present in a relationship there is no room for true love... If you are full of pride, you are not capable of loving someone... If you want to be a winner, there is no room for you in love...

2:00 PM

I will remember my 50th class... Not because it is the half point of my journey. It doesn't really matter what day and number it is. It is just a day, just a number... I will remember it because today I have heard the best quote I think in my life...

" Remember, everything will be good on the end, if its not good, than it only                                     means that it is not the end yet"

What else is there to say...? This says it all... You live a life in this manner, there is never a problem. There is never suffering, bad situations. Just a quick stop on the road to good... This is something one should have on the wall and look at it every day. Whatever happens, no matter how painful it is, it is not the end. It can't be the end because it is not good. The good is coming... All one has to do is decide what to do next, and continue driving on the road to good. Not a big deal, it is not the end... The end is all joy, life is all joy. Start enjoying it...

11:00 PM

50 days are behind me. The warm up is over... Now the game starts, now its time to get serious... It is time to lift everything to a higher level. To be even more disciplined, more focused, more determined... To don't know even more... I am ready...