Day 45

10:00 AM

My inward discipline is getting stronger... Not just during the yoga class, but in daily life as well. I am more in control, more in the driver seat, of my practice. Regardless of what time I go to sleep, I am up in the morning. Last night I went to sleep around 1 AM and I was up, with the Mala in my hand, at 6 AM. Yes, I was tired, sleepy, my penthouse friend giving his best to stay in bed, but I got up... Got up and set for an hour... My motivation is on a higher level as well. None of this is really new for me, I have done it all before, but somehow I feel like its the first time. I am actually anxious for the new morning to come...
Inward discipline is the hardest thing to improve, but once you get it going it keeps getting deeper and deeper. Before you know it its not even a discipline, it is pleasure... It feels like the only way of doing things...

2:00 PM

Today was a mind class. I actually let it go, didn't even try to get behind the wheel, I just let the mind drive the entire class. After the breathing exercises, my mind usually starts the dancing routine in my head. Normally, I focus on the breath and it quiets down. Today, I did the opposite... I didn't do anything, just followed the mind wherever it was headed. Whenever he felt like not pushing as hard, I didn't push, when I was itching I scratched, going through postures with my head everywhere but in a yoga studio. Being a total puppy...
If one goes through a yoga class like that on a daily bases, then I have to say: "People don't do Yoga!!!". It is absolute torture. All the things that I usually enjoy, were unbearable now. The heat, the stretching, intensity, all felt terrible. I couldn't wait for it to be over. As the time went buy I felt worse and worse on the inside, and my energy was non-existent. At some point I heard a small voice inside of me, pushing for me to wake up and take control. But I didn't, I wanted to finish a class 100% non-mindful . I wanted to see the other side, the mind controlled Yoga practice. Of course, my mind had a different story: "Yes sir, now that's how you do a class! We can go for 500 days in a row like this..." Yeah right... If you do anything in life like this, it will never last more than a few days. This is the reason why most of the resolutions that people make, fail after some time. If you are a puppy, you will most likely fail in everything that you pursue... You will never grow, and you will stay a puppy for the rest of your life. On the outside you might look like a Great Dane, but on the inside, just a puppy...

11:00

Day number 45... Lesson learned... Great Dane, inside and out... Who is in control...?