Day 11

10:00 AM

Canadian winter is a perfect time for one to reconnect with the true self and really see who is in control.  The self, or the mind. Why...? Because it is the worst weather you can find.  Every day the same, cold, gray and gloomy. No sunshine, temperature never goes above zero. Weather that gives you absolutely no energy, in contrary, it takes away energy.  Very easily one can fall under the influence of the weather, and just slide into the state of hibernation. No desire to get out and do things, no willingness to move and get your body going.  Just pure laziness and somewhat boredom. "I mean what do you want me to do, it's freezing outside.... I don't feel like going out its too cold, I hate this weather..." Many of us say this.  Numerous times....
There is no real self in a life like this. No awareness of who we are, what we need, what our bodies actually need. It's all our mind 100%... Our body wants to be cold for some time, to freeze, to be even miserable. Our real self wants to get out, do something, whatever that might be. Real self wants to sweat, and be sore and tired. While you going around and doing things, you burn that energy, but at the same time you create new energy. Its a constant cycle, it just keeps going in circles.  Burn and produce... The more you spend, the more you will produce.  Even when your body is dead tired, the energy inside is cooking and getting ready to get out.  And then you will always be ready to jump, ready to dance. Being tired or sore lasts for a day or two, inner energy can carry you for a long time....
So which life will you take today....?  The life of the mind or the life of the real self...? Choices, choices.....

2:00 PM

Step by step my body is slowly getting tired.  My knees are sore all the time, and my hamstrings are tighter and tighter.  My body is in somewhat weird state.  When I talked to one of the teachers and told them of how I felt, they told me its normal. It is normal to feel worse than before, and to feel like you are going backwards. Now I am not sure if this is just my mind talking, but I can feel that body state. My body hurts, and it is very tired... However, with all the backwards effects, I can feel it going forward. Its like my body is still getting used to all the new openings, stretches, and balances.  Almost like its going back inside itself, getting ready to fully bloom... The fact is, all the pain and fatigue feels great....
My class was a strong one.  Started of really tired during the breathing exercises, and for a moment I thought that I am just too tired. I wondered how am I going to generate enough energy to carry me through today's class. And then nothing.  Thats the last thought I remember playing in my head. After that it was just the postures. Pull, kick, balance, breathe, stretch... Tired thoughts were out of the window. I wish I could have all the thoughts out of the window during a class.  Then I can finally say I went to a Yoga class.....

11:00

I wonder if it is possible to rise above your thoughts and the mind that creates them.  It is impossible not to have thoughts.  That's for sure.  There will always be thought's in one's head. And having thoughts is not a bad thing. They are actually very useful and helpful. Useful and helpful only if you are above them, in control, in a driver's seat. Unfortunately, we are buried deeply under the clouds of thoughts, so deeply that we don't even know we have thoughts running in our head... We think its a normal state... The radio that constantly plays in our head is shaping us, who we are and how we act. Zen teachers like to say that we have a monkey in our head's, constantly jumping all over the place, never calm. As a result, our emotions, moods, behavior, relationship with others, are constantly jumping all over the place... We become the monkey... And then we suffer....
Ability to rise above our thoughts, to observe them from the side, like a spectator, changes one's life completely. A person who is in control, doesn't have a monkey in the head. It is more like a calm sea. Immense space, limitless power, raw strength... But calm... This person sees the thoughts for what they really are.  Just thoughts.  Not real... So he/she is never overpowered and choked by the thoughts. How can you be controlled by something that is not real...? Once we realize this simple fact, we will see and feel for the first time. For the first time we will know how does the apple really taste, what love really feels like... For the first time we will be alive and we will love every moment of it.  For the first time we will have a Yoga class...