Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Day 3

10:00 AM

Why do people like snow?  I sure don't.  On the mountain yes I like it too, but in the city there is nothing nice about it.  It makes driving harder, gets you dirty all the time, gets your car dirty.  I just don't see why do people like it, its not like we are going to go skiing down the street or something.  By the way it is snowing outside...
Here I am on my way to day 3.  Today I am really sore and a bit tired.  I still feel good and my energy levels are high though.  And no I am not grumpy, that was just my daily conversation about snow.  Snow is my favorite subject.  Today my day is a little easier.  I just have a Yoga class no afternoon workout in the gym.  So its going to be easier on my body, I needed that.  My mind is pretty quiet this morning.  Maybe my mind is tired as well.  Its a good feeling when you wake up and there isn't a story waiting for you in your head.  So you just wake up and do things.  Without having to make yourself do things, just do them one by one, moment by moment... I wonder how long this feeling will last.  When will the mind establish itself again...

2:00 PM

Another class in the books.  Nothing different than the previous two.  I really don't expect to see any real changes in my postures for another week or so.  I am just going and doing the postures so whatever happens, happens...

            "We cant hear our own noise and sounds we make."

It came to me today after the yoga class.  We were in the final relaxation posture, just relaxed on the floor, breathing.  Probably the hardest posture for an average human.  Being relaxed, not moving.  After every class a teacher always says the same thing as she is leaving the room: "Please be mindful of the others on your way out of the room..."  And as soon as she leaves it starts.  One person is breathing like half dead, another is folding and drying the mat making all kinds of noises, someone else is squeezing the water bottle, door opens and close loudly, keys, towels... Everything but mindful.  At times one wants to get up and yell: "Which part of being mindful of the others don't you understand???"  And then you think about it.  We just don't hear it.  Not that we don't care about other people in the room, we just don't hear the sounds we make.  We are all so disconnected from ourselves, that while we are still in that room our mind is already out.  Once the class is over, our mind is already on the street, in the car, at the office, at home... That's the reason that we do all those things even though we are told to be quiet and mindful.  We can't hear it because we are not in that room to hear the noises we make.  Our body is, but that's about it.  We just don't hear it...

11:00 AM

Day 3... Check.  I know I am still at the beginning but I am rolling forward slowly.  Constantly fighting little battles and so far I have been winning.  At times I do fall under my mind's influence and I think it would be better to go back to "normal" life, but I snap out of it quickly.  I wonder how long will the resistance last.  When will it just go away and totally surrender, leaving me with just myself.  Or whatever is left of it.  When you think about it, everyone is in search of this true self.  To lose the mind.  To live in the present so you can find your real, inner self.  Now, what if you actually do lose the mind, and you do find your inner self, but you end up not liking it?  You just don't like the inner, true self.... What do you do then? Another 100 days to get the mind back...? That would be something.... Of course impossible... Once you lose the mind and your Ego there is nothing left to ask that question. Do I Like....?

1 comment:

  1. "We are all so disconnected from ourselves, that while we are still in that room our mind is already out. Once the class is over, our mind is already on the street, in the car, at the office, at home... "

    You nailed this one on the head. This is why Savasana is SO CRUCIAL. It gives your body a chance to rest and re-align, re-integrate new learnings, and your mind a chance to just BE. We need to learn how to live in our own skin - it's the only one we have. We're so distracted here in the West, so many flashing lights and shiny objects made to shift our attention all the time. Good for you for taking Savasana. I'm not sure why the Bikram and Moksha studios don't enforce at least 5-10 mins of it. Why give people the option to skip it? It won't hurt anyone to just be there. It also gives a few moments of peace to the other practitioners who do actually want to slip into a relaxed state.